1
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2
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<i>♪ Yes, I ride the lightning,
yes, I'm on the go ♪</i>

3
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:40,113
<i>♪ And when I go down slow,
I need more power now ♪</i>

4
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:43,245
<i>♪ It keeps me damn lucky,
yes, itjust won't stop ♪</i>

5
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,794
<i>♪ I'm lit to pop, oh yes,
I got the power now ♪</i>

6
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,424
<i>♪ I got a secret that I'm gonna tell ♪</i>

7
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,302
<i>♪ I'm feeling power
from the pit of hell, yeah ♪</i>

8
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,558
<i>♪ I got something to say ♪</i>

9
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,310
<i>♪ I think I'm gonna say it ♪</i>

10
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,357
<i>♪ The power's flowing,
and itjust won't stop ♪</i>

11
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<i>♪ I touch a woman,
make the flesh burn hot, yeah ♪</i>

12
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:19,365
<i>♪ Want love to spread,
I think I'm gonna spread it ♪</i>

13
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<i>♪ The secret's easy,
now lend me your ear ♪</i>

14
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,998
<i>♪ Don't hesitate,
there's not a thing to fear ♪</i>

15
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,297
<i>♪ Oh yes, I ride the lightning,
yes, I'm on the go ♪</i>

16
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<i>♪ And when I go down slow,
I need more power now ♪</i>

17
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,716
<i>♪ It keeps me damn lucky,
yes, itjust won't stop ♪</i>

18
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,593
<i>♪ I'm lit to pop,
oh yes, I got the power now ♪</i>

19
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,390
Do you know how fast you were going?

20
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,388
No, I don't, Officer.

21
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,970
Turn that radio off, please.

22
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,519
That's not the radio.
That's the band practicing.

23
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Is that marijuana?

24
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,982
You got a party bowl up there?

25
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Mm, nah.

26
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,910
It's okay, it's okay. Is it good?

27
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,113
Mm.

28
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:06,745
Yeah. Open it up!
I'm fucking boarding you!

29
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:10,079
5-0! 5-0 coming on board.

30
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,622
Officer, you can't
just waltz on in here!

31
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,957
Do you know
who these guys are?

32
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Unplug this shit right now.

33
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No way.

34
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No fucking way.

35
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<i>♪ I got a secret
that I'm gonna tell ♪</i>

36
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,136
<i>♪ I'm feeling power ♪</i>

37
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,266
<i>♪ From the pit of hell, yeah ♪</i>

38
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<i>♪ I got something to say ♪</i>

39
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<i>♪ I think I'm gonna say it... ♪</i>

40
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Holy shit!

41
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,105
You guys are the highway cops

42
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,031
that got shut down
and became local cops.

43
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,238
Then due to some
kinda crazy "incident"

44
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,361
you got kicked off
of that force,

45
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,571
so you started playing music.

46
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,365
And before you knew it,
you won <i>America's Got Talent.</i>

47
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You're Cracklin' Bacon!

48
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,037
What a long,
strange trip it's been.

49
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I love you guys!

50
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,502
Oh, I gotta tell my partner.

51
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,083
He's not gonna believe this!
Okay, hold on.

52
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,294
- Dude, you gotta get over here right now.
<i>- Copy.</i>

53
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,378
He's gonna shit his pants.

54
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,555
You know what'd be hilarious?
When he comes on the bus,

55
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:03,973
kick him in the nuts
as hard as you can.

56
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,804
- Really?
- Just drill the guy!

57
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,388
What the hell
is going on in here?

58
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,979
Down he goes!

59
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,520
Oh, my God!
You're Cracklin' Bacon!

60
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,606
- Yeah.
- You guys are my favorite band ever!

61
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,070
What? You didn't even know
who Cracklin' Bacon was

62
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until I played them for you.

63
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,235
Yeah, I did!

64
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,570
Oh, really?
What's your favorite song?

65
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:26,737
"Pulled Pork."

66
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- Yeah? How does it go then?
- Uh...

67
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<i>♪ I'm gonna eat you
like a pulled pork sandwich ♪</i>

68
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,333
<i>♪ Get inside your bread
like a hot steak Manwich ♪</i>

69
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,627
This guy's got some pipes!

70
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:40,635
Hey, how would you like
to join Cracklin' Bacon?

71
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,007
We're looking
for a new lead singer.

72
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Holy shit!

73
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,047
Yeah, oh, I can do it
better than him.

74
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,975
<i>♪ I'm gonna eat you
like a pulled pork sandwich ♪</i>

75
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:51,229
<i>♪ Kung Fu you
like a Jackie Chan-wich ♪</i>

76
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,180
Not bad.

77
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,858
- Yeah.
- You guys clearly have the sound.

78
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,394
But do you have the moves?
Hit it.

79
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,615
Fist-pumps!

80
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,693
Pelvic thrusts.

81
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:05,993
Shake your tail feathers.

82
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,370
Shake that ass.

83
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,326
- Now kiss each other.
- I'm sorry. Come again?

84
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,282
Come on, rock and roll!
Rock and roll, baby!

85
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,701
- Do it!
- Kiss him!

86
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,040
Kiss him! Kiss him!
Kiss him! Kiss him!

87
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,511
I knew
you were fucking with us.

88
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,804
You're fucking with us, man!

89
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,635
All right, all right.
You guys clearly have

90
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:27,966
what it takes
for rock and roll.

91
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,180
But there's one more test
you gotta pass

92
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,603
before we let you
join Cracklin' Bacon.

93
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,357
We wanna know if you can
keep up with Juicy Lucy.

94
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,273
She looks pretty juicy to me.

95
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,436
Oh, no, she's in the back.

96
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,362
But I warn you,
she can be quite a handful.

97
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:44,949
Let's go handle that!

98
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,031
Juicy Lucy!
Juicy Lucy! Juicy Lucy!

99
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,367
About to get juicy up in here!

100
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,449
Hey, baby.

101
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,828
Hello, Juicy Lucy.

102
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,494
Oh, that's not Lucy.
Lucy's better.

103
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,003
Oh, man!

104
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,797
Fellas, on the other side
of this door

105
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,877
is everlasting fame and glory.

106
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,259
You get the giney,
I'll get the hiney.

107
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,268
Say hello to Lucy!

108
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,265
Move it or lose it!
It's time to cruise it!

109
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,440
Let's do it!

110
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,235
Motherfucker!

111
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,449
<i>♪ I got a secret that I'm gonna tell ♪</i>

112
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,869
<i>♪ I'm feeling power
from the pit of hell, yeah... ♪</i>

113
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- Son-of-a-bitch!
- Crap damnit!

114
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,826
We sang our hearts off
for those guys. Our hearts!

115
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,251
<i>♪ The power's flowing ♪</i>

116
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,794
<i>♪ And itjust won't stop ♪</i>

117
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,958
<i>♪ I touch a woman,
make the flesh burn hot... ♪</i>

118
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,165
We got company.

119
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,342
<i>♪ Yeah, want love to spread ♪</i>

120
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,714
<i>♪ I think I'm gonna spread it ♪</i>

121
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,431
<i>♪ The secret's easy... ♪</i>

122
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,258
Can't outrun the law,
motherfucker!

123
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,353
<i>♪ Don't hesitate, there's not
a thing to fear, oh yes... ♪</i>

124
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,056
Fuck you, Cracklin' Bacon!

125
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,349
Whoa!

126
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,645
<i>♪ It keeps me damn lucky... ♪</i>

127
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,400
<i>♪ Yes, it just won't stop ♪</i>

128
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,651
<i>♪ I'm lit to pop ♪♪</i>

129
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,857
Oh, shit!

130
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,450
Motherfucker.

131
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,324
Eat it. Eat it.
Eat it. Eat it.

132
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:17,875
Hey!

133
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,170
Ah.

134
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,629
Suck these fucking bullets, bitch!

135
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,310
Oh, shit! Mac. Hey,
stay with me. Stay with me.

136
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:43,271
We almost got
those stupid cops...

137
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,734
- ...to kiss.
- Shit.

138
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,451
What's that?

139
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:55,654
What the...

140
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,865
Whoa!

141
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:07,875
Shit!

142
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,720
Hey.

143
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,385
I still love those guys.

144
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,425
Yeah, they're cool as hell.

145
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,555
I mean, look at him.

146
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:18,886
Still cool.

147
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,181
We should probably hide
that body, though.

148
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,349
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

149
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,602
Hey, great driving, Thorn!

150
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,771
Thorny? Thorny?

151
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,531
Oh, my God! He's dead!

152
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,074
Ha-ha!

153
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,526
- Aha!
- I got you, motherfucker!

154
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,493
- I'm not dead! I'm alive!
- He's alive!

155
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,365
Look out!

156
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,409
Holy fuck!

157
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,427
Ahhh!

158
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,225
You sleeping, baby boy?

159
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,560
No, I'm just checking out
the ceiling, Farva.

160
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,065
Good work up there.

161
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,987
All right, pull out your caulk
and let's go.

162
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,064
What?

163
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,616
Let's go! I'm standing here
with my caulk in my hand.

164
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,194
Grab your caulk,
let's put it in the holes!

165
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,279
- Come on, let me see that big caulk.
- Oh, shut up.

166
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,705
Show me your Rabbit caulk!

167
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:20,907
You know
what's funny, Farva?

168
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,333
You've made that joke
400 times

169
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,535
and it still sucks.

170
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,245
Fuck you, Mac. You don't talk
to your site supervisor like that.

171
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,039
That's one demerit
on your permanent record.

172
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,420
On my permanent
construction record?

173
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,046
That's right. You want
another one, keep it up.

174
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,469
Give me another
and I'll pinch your dick.

175
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,296
- That's two. You want to go for three?
- Okay.

176
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,256
Bingo! You got it!
You want another one?

177
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,841
- Pretty, pretty please.
- You got it!

178
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,346
- You want another one?
- I'll take them all!

179
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,803
That's seven!
You want another one?!

180
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,432
- Give me ten!
- Bingo!

181
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,559
Mac!

182
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,856
Stop.

183
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,853
You mess with the bull,
you get covered in bullshit.

184
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,075
- What a tool.
- Yeah.

185
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,702
I had the craziest dream.

186
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,158
Who were the cops this time?

187
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,617
Stifler and Damon Wayans Jr.

188
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,781
Did they almost kiss?

189
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,167
Yeah. Yeah.
Almost got them to.

190
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,620
<i>♪ Hoisting another glass ♪</i>

191
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,670
Uh, hello.

192
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,420
- Morning, Mac!
- Good morning, Uncle Argyle.

193
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,717
Code names? Is Farva nearby?

194
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,544
Oh, yeah. Spitting distance.

195
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,925
Do me a favor,
spackle his mouth shut.

196
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,180
<i>Okay, will do.</i>

197
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,260
So, change of location for
this weekend's fishing trip.

198
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,019
Just over the Canadian border.

199
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,846
Oh, sweet! I love Canada.

200
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,899
Good one!
I'll mail you the address.

201
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,772
What, like with a stamp?
Just text me.

202
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:34,526
Text? Oh, you mean like,
uh, mail text? Yeah.

203
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,491
I do believe I have
that facility on this phone.

204
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,322
Okay, will do.

205
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,153
That's it. I'm teaching you
how to text this weekend.

206
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,738
- No personal calls, Mac.
- What the fuck?

207
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,119
- Whoop.
- Oh, God damn it, Farva.

208
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,286
- I told you no personal calls.
- It was a sales call.

209
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,586
Oh, yeah?
What were they selling?

210
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,543
Ooh, was it canned salmon?
I love canned salmon.

211
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,420
It's better than tuna,
you know. It's a salty fish.

212
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:54,629
I like a salty fish.

213
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,335
Like a grouper
or maybe a branzino.

214
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,220
Something that really
jerks off your blood pressure.

215
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,840
You know what's salty? Turtle.
You ever had turtle before?

216
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,679
Saltiest part? The shell.

217
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,764
What do I have to say to get
you to end this conversation?

218
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,265
You could say,
"The guy on the phone

219
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,767
"was trying to sell me
hard dicks."

220
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,644
The guy on the phone was
trying to sell me hard dicks.

221
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,566
I bet you bought
a baker's dozen.

222
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:12,734
Let's lay some caulk!

223
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,438
I got fresh caulk, everybody!
Hot caulk here.

224
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,693
Who wants caulk?

225
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,034
He really wants to leave
right from work, huh?

226
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,862
He said,
"Real men travel light."

227
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,921
God, he looks ridiculous.

228
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,135
No, I think
he looks pretty cool.

229
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,341
Like the Brawny
Paper Towel Guy.

230
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,010
See, I was gonna say
the Bombay Paper Towel Guy.

231
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,094
Hey, Thorn.

232
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,646
Hey. Job sucks.
It's all sap and splinters.

233
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,566
Now it smells like Bombay.
You wanna put

234
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,642
- that shirt back on?
- Whew!

235
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,901
Breathe it in, little fella.

236
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,445
That's the smell
of a mountain man.

237
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,947
Right. Okay, what time you due
back at the hobo zoo?

238
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,030
Hey, hey!

239
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,616
What's up, guys?
Nice ride!

240
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,791
Hey, Chief.

241
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,119
Son of a bitch.

242
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,704
- Ta-da!
- Hey!

243
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,005
What's up, Foster?

244
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,416
He is all yours.

245
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,671
I'm tired of him riding
in my sidecar anyway.

246
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:19,968
That's not what
you said last night.

247
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,845
<i>Chief, we have a 214</i>

248
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,263
<i>out at
the Shuck n' Rack Motel.</i>

249
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,385
<i>Officer needs guidance.</i>

250
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,216
- I'll be right there.
<i>- Copy.</i>

251
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,847
I wish you guys
didn't get fired.

252
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,434
We weren't fired.
We were invited to resign.

253
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,976
- Ah.
- Ooh, I like that.

254
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,813
No, you were fired. There was
that ride-along gone wrong.

255
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,735
Then you were fired.

256
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,237
We'll just have to agree
to disagree.

257
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,274
All right.
Well, you fellas have fun.

258
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,943
Just get him back
in one piece, all right?

259
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,282
With the rod. I'm gonna
need it next weekend.

260
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,362
- Hello!
- Okay.

261
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,573
That's my girl.

262
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,032
All right, boys, let's go fishing.

263
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,954
And the beauty is,
the black is so black

264
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,164
that it's really blue.

265
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,998
I mean,
it's really midnight blue.

266
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,758
Ah, just like
the old days, huh?

267
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,260
Driving around
the countryside,

268
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,882
listening to Thorny
talk about his dick.

269
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,679
- I miss the old days.
- That's bullshit, man.

270
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,382
That Fred Savage thing
was not our fault.

271
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,058
Actors shouldn't
do ride-alongs.

272
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,639
Actors shouldn't even
try to play cops.

273
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,311
I mean,
they never get it right.

274
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,900
- Hey there.
- How you doin'?

275
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,316
Good. You boys here
for business or pleasure?

276
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,859
- Just going fishing.
- Good timing.

277
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,698
You'll be up to yer tits
in the walleye.

278
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,905
I caught one last week.
Was seven kilograms.

279
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,034
Is that big?

280
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,537
Is that big? That's like nine
decimeters from tip to tail.

281
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,832
- You a jigger man?
- What did you call me?

282
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,121
Well, I like to use
the jigger rod

283
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,501
for when I'm catching
the walleye.

284
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,752
But of course
when you're doing that

285
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:40,753
you gotta run extra light.

286
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,960
Unless you're someone like
you there in the back.

287
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,588
- What are you, a bodybuilder?
- No.

288
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,506
What do you bench?
Wait, don't tell me.

289
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,091
I don't want you
to embarrass me.

290
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,682
But I would like two tickets
to your gun show.

291
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,230
You guys are good to go.
Sorry to hold ya up.

292
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,605
- Let them go!
- Thanks! Take it easy.

293
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,562
Typical Canadian hardass.

294
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,776
"Sorry.
I'm really sorry. Sorry."

295
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,573
"Oh, so sorry."

296
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,655
Hey,
fellas, any chance you can

297
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,702
come over to the house later
and play some Sorry?

298
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,034
Sure.
How "aboot" nine o'clock?

299
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,949
Ooh,
nine o'clock doesn't work.

300
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,375
Sorry about that.

301
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,168
French ones are the worst. Ha!

302
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,247
Would you
like some ratatouille

303
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,548
with your pain du chocolat?

304
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:25,052
Oui, oui! I'm gonna get
some jambon et fromage.

305
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,348
This can't be it.

306
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,096
Well, this is the address
Cap sent me.

307
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,636
Although he did just learn
how to text.

308
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,145
Now what would compel somebody

309
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,472
to throw a tire
up on the roof?

310
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,982
What, you never played
"Throw the Tire on the Roof"?

311
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,401
No, is that the kind of shit
you guys played in Rutland?

312
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,695
Sure. Never got
"tired" of that game.

313
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,158
Uh, we are in
the wrong place.

314
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,918
No. You're in the right place.

315
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,121
What's the deal with the creepy,
remote shithole, Cap?

316
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,750
You gonna make us put
the lotion in the basket?

317
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,332
No, I've got a surprise
for you.

318
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,801
I didn't tell you up front
'cause you tend to be

319
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,970
a bunch of
wide-mouth bassholes.

320
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:12,429
Well, then, why don't you let
me reel in these fish, John?

321
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,388
Governor Jessman?

322
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,643
Hey, I didn't see
the motorcade.

323
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,430
- We're keeping my visit quiet.
- Mm.

324
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,731
Oh, Cappy, you dirty dog.

325
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,228
Show some respect, Mac!

326
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,315
- Sorry.
- I'm here on official business.

327
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,526
We've got
an intriguing situation

328
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,448
going on in these parts.

329
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,151
With all the heat
on immigration these days,

330
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,736
the U.S. has been
going through

331
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,116
a border reassessment.

332
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,041
It turns out that some
of the original stone markers

333
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,163
that delineated
America from Canada

334
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,078
weren't where
we thought they'd be.

335
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,504
Here is where the border was.

336
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:47,588
But here is where
we found the stone markers.

337
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,300
So this town,
St. Georges du Laurent,

338
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,131
and the area surrounding it,

339
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,220
are actually on American soil.

340
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,430
So we're going to war?

341
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,933
Ah, gee,
that'd be a quick one, eh?

342
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,806
No. After negotiations,

343
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,436
they've agreed
to turn the land over.

344
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:03,688
Vermont's about to get

345
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,485
- a little more head room.
- Hm.

346
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,062
So, it was up to me to find

347
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,569
a temporary police force
to help with the transition.

348
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,860
A group of officers
familiar with the border area,

349
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:16,656
experienced in patrolling
a stretch of highway.

350
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,701
Guys who maybe caught a bad
break the last time around?

351
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,915
So, you fellas want
a crack at your old jobs?

352
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:28,755
Easy, you hooligans!
I'm a senior citizen!

353
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,261
And if this two-week
assignment goes well,

354
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,883
I might be able
to make it permanent.

355
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,973
Trust us. It'll go well.

356
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:36,509
And who are you?

357
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,677
Oh, I'm one of the cops.

358
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,187
We picked him up
outside of Home Depot.

359
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,346
Fantastic.

360
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,312
You'll be phasing out
a Canadian Mountie unit.

361
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,397
We lined up a meet and greet
with them tomorrow.

362
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,197
Oh, yeah!

363
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,528
I wanted to make sure you had
your full team back,

364
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,359
so I tracked down
your other guy too.

365
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:55,653
No fucking way.

366
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:56,736
Oh, no.

367
00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,120
Sorry I'm late.
Hit a moose doing 90.

368
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,121
Vaporized the beyotch!

369
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,622
You know they have
Eskimo hookers up here?

370
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,583
When they have sex,
they really get "Inuit."

371
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,084
Pelé!

372
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,416
God damn it.

373
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,376
Farva, you fuck.

374
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,920
Back in business!

375
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,955
Bullshit! Who ordered these?
I can't feel my tits!

376
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,514
Hey!

377
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:06,974
Desk buddies, guy?

378
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,938
Are you positive
you want to quit your old job?

379
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,894
I mean,
Construction Supervisor.

380
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,071
And give up the chance
to crack some Canuck melons?

381
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,898
I don't think so, bro-haim.

382
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,655
<i>♪ Welcome to the Fart Zone ♪♪</i>

383
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,407
Body armor, check.

384
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,204
Tactical flashlights. Why not?

385
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,116
Ooh, heat vision goggles.
Check.

386
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,500
Why would we need those?

387
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,786
Uh, we're in Canada now, Rabbit.

388
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,415
What if we have to find
somebody in the snow?

389
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,579
Uh, there is snow in Vermont.

390
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,256
Okay,
I'm the "order stuff" guy.

391
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,549
You do your thing. All right?

392
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,042
Okay.

393
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,338
One yellow safety vest
for Rabbit.

394
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,807
Woo! A roving
GPS triangulator.

395
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,219
Triangulator? Get a load
of James Bond over here.

396
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,855
Another yellow safety vest
for Thorny.

397
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,523
Thorn, Thorn, Thorn,
Thorn. Thorn, Thorn.

398
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:52,148
Ram. Rod. Ram. Rod. Ramrod.
You're out, he's in.

399
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,395
Okay.

400
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,440
Hey, place looks great!

401
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:57,903
What have you
been cleaning, Cap?

402
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,034
I'll clean your clock
if you don't watch out.

403
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,570
Okay, let's get started.

404
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,122
Don't push it, Mac.

405
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,658
Get started
doing some pullovers?

406
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,912
No, we're not doing
your pullovers.

407
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,164
Everything'll be by the book.

408
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,161
Everything!

409
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,550
Cap, you know how hard
I worked on this thing?

410
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,218
Big face, big mustache.

411
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,050
I don't care how big
your face is. Shave it!

412
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,130
Cap, Cap, Cap!

413
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,214
I'm good, right?

414
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,301
I got a tight mouth-muff.

415
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,886
- Talk about big faces.
- That's face-ism, Cap.

416
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,895
Not regulation! Shave it!

417
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,937
Right! Let's go
and see some Mounties.

418
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,691
Remember the three
B's: Best Behavior, Boys.

419
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,528
Hey.

420
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,449
- How's it going?
- Feels like 1983 in here.

421
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,163
Oh, there they are.

422
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,074
I am Mayor Guy LeFranc.

423
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,168
Mayor of Saint Georges
du Laurent, Canada!

424
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,455
Or, as it's about to be known:

425
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,291
St. George of Lawrence,
America.

426
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,801
I don't know. I'm not so good
with American. Welcome.

427
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,094
Uh, the Guy LeFranc?

428
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,922
From the Montreal Canadiens
Minor League system?

429
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,633
The leading scorer
of the Halifax Bear Eaters?

430
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,472
Eighth most points
in CHL history.

431
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,683
Yeah, I know. Two points
behind Shotti Fitznugly.

432
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,846
Look at this guy!

433
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:10,930
I love hockey.

434
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,599
Your nickname, um,

435
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,184
don't tell me,
it was, uh, "The Explosion."

436
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,024
"The Halifax Explosion."

437
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,154
Named after
the single greatest

438
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,402
man-made explosion
before Hiroshima.

439
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,283
It was 1917,

440
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,910
ship laden with dynamite

441
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,079
crashed into another ship
in Halifax Harbor.

442
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,784
Tremendous explosion
and loss of life.

443
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,449
Burned people's eyes out
with the blast.

444
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,118
Many were blinded
by the light.

445
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,202
Like the song says.

446
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,963
And a First Nations tribe
was lost.

447
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,415
Probably would've
happened to them anyway,

448
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,875
but it kind of moved up
the timetable, eh?

449
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,758
So, I am the second biggest
explosion from Halifax.

450
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:42,921
But enough about me.

451
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,180
Meet the Mounties. Guys!

452
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,258
Guys, come on over here.

453
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,932
This here is Sergeant Major
Roger Archambault.

454
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,565
This is Staff Sergeant Major
Henri Podien,

455
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,021
and Sergeant
Christophe Bellefuille.

456
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,231
Total gobbledygook.

457
00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,279
I'm John O'Hagan.
This is Rod Farva,

458
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,317
Robbie Roto, Carl Foster,
Maclntyre Womack

459
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,993
and Arcot Ramathorn.

460
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,573
<i>Total gobbledygook.</i>

461
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,994
I'll let you guys chew the cud.

462
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,666
Why don't we go fuck off
to the other room here?

463
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,243
Yeah, sure.

464
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:18,165
I'm gonna get a Schlitz!
That's American for beer.

465
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,427
So, you do guys
ride horses or...

466
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,971
Yeah, this isn't 1957.

467
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,548
We drive Crown Victorias.

468
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,433
Hey, us too.
You get a little soup in them,

469
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,636
they can really rip
your knob off. Am I right?

470
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,938
We hear about you guy, heh?

471
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:37,067
Because first, you get your
highway station shut down.

472
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,977
And then, you get kick out

473
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,529
from your second job
because of this, uh,

474
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,907
Fred Savage thing.

475
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:44,983
"Savage."

476
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,784
Makes it sound intriguing.

477
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,533
So, what are you

478
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,363
going to do here?
Go for the hat trick?

479
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,492
We're actually hoping
to hold on to these jobs.

480
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,411
What are you guys
doing after the turnover?

481
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,332
Oh, they're transferring us
up to Labrador City.

482
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,415
- Oh!
- Cool.

483
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:04,719
It's cool, all right. Average winter
temperature is minus 18 degrees Celsius!

484
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,013
All you have to do to convert

485
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,217
is times two, add 32 and join
the rest of the human race.

486
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,384
Hey, Rookie,

487
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:12,890
they got non-alcoholic Molsons
over here.

488
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,222
Want me to get you
a half carafe?

489
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,312
Oh, we got a rookie there?
They shave your nuts yet?

490
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,318
Canadian tradition says
you got to shave

491
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,191
the rook's nuts,
otherwise it's bad luck.

492
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:23,855
- You don't say?
- Bad luck?

493
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,399
I'm actually not a rookie...

494
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,067
Which one of you guys
has least seniority?

495
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,244
I mean, technically I...

496
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,620
Shave this guy ball!

497
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,413
Come on,
shave both of his ball.

498
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,164
Shave your ball, your dick.

499
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,586
Hello,
hello! Welcome to Canada.

500
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,418
I'm Genevieve Aubois,

501
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:42,966
Cultural Attaché
of Saint Georges du Laurent.

502
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,377
I will see that
things go smoothly

503
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,803
in the next few weeks.

504
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,055
And please,
if you have any questions,

505
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,723
don't hesitate to ask.

506
00:21:54,897 --> 00:21:56,638
Keep heading north, big fella.

507
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,646
You don't look at the mantel
when you're poking the fire.

508
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:02,227
Right, guys? You know what
I'm saying, right?

509
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:06,110
Okay. Well, they are waiting
for us in the other room.

510
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,283
So, please, suivez-moi.

511
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,243
Who is waiting where?

512
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:24,424
Boy, I didn't know the whole
town was gonna be here.

513
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,133
<i>Welcome, thanks for coming.</i>

514
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,929
<i>America got tired of the noise up here...</i>

515
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,604
<i>so they called the cops!</i>

516
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:39,772
Oh.

517
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:42,309
It's about my mustache, right?

518
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:43,610
They're laughing at my mustache?

519
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,567
Please, let's give a big
Canadian welcome

520
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:49,240
to the Vermont Highway Patrol.

521
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,369
Hey, hey, everyone! Come on, guys.

522
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:55,287
They've come up here
to tell us how great it's gonna be

523
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,581
for all of us
to become Americans.

524
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,662
So, let them speak. Captain?

525
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,499
Uh...

526
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,706
Bonsoir.

527
00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:07,667
You know, this reminds me
of the story of the rabbi,

528
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:10,804
the priest,
and the Hindu in a canoe.

529
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:12,339
Go blow yourself!

530
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,383
I'm Captain John O'Hagan. I...

531
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,678
Yeah, eat it, you old donkey!

532
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:21,394
Hey, easy. Hey, look, look.

533
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,349
Technically,
we're all Americans, right?

534
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:25,143
North Americans.

535
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,229
Very little is gonna change
around here.

536
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:28,859
Oh, yeah, right!
You're probably gonna tell us

537
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:30,030
we can't listen
to Rush anymore!

538
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:31,699
Or the Barenaked Ladies!

539
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:34,072
Hey. Hey. Hey!

540
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:35,370
People, people.

541
00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:37,371
I love Rush
and the Barenaked Ladies.

542
00:23:37,458 --> 00:23:38,539
You should listen to both.

543
00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:40,575
So, you are telling us
who to listen to!

544
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:41,659
No, no. I'm just...

545
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:42,835
And then that one's
gonna tell us

546
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,288
we have to start
eating tortillas!

547
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:46,422
- It's a common mistake.
- Bullshit!

548
00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:48,417
Hey! Listen up.

549
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:50,467
This is America now.
Like it or lump it!

550
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:52,049
Repeat after me:

551
00:23:52,222 --> 00:23:55,260
I pledge of allegiance
to the flag

552
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:57,847
of the United States
of America.

553
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,103
Learn the words! Learn the words!

554
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,263
Fuck you!

555
00:24:10,032 --> 00:24:11,648
You don't even know
how to play hockey!

556
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:16,528
I didn't think they'd see us
as an occupying force.

557
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:17,991
Oh, my God!
Your eye.

558
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,451
That might leave a scar.

559
00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:20,706
I was looking
too pretty anyway.

560
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,538
I can sew you up at my car.

561
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:24,748
You're a doctor?

562
00:24:24,922 --> 00:24:26,959
No, no. I coach
the girls' hockey team,

563
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,006
so I know my way
around a gash.

564
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:30,792
Are you making a...

565
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:34,509
Oui. A double entendre
for la vagine.

566
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,307
Let's go, quickly!

567
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,469
I thought Canadians
are supposed to be harmless.

568
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:42,433
Oh, come on.
Cut them some slack.

569
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:44,268
They're upset
about losing their identities.

570
00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:47,024
They called you an old donkey.
Doesn't that piss you off?

571
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:48,480
Well, I don't love it.

572
00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:50,520
Actually, I didn't sleep
at all last night.

573
00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:52,322
But we got a job to do.

574
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,574
- Rabbit, how's your head?
- It's okay.

575
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:58,862
That, uh... Genevieve,
she, uh, patched me up.

576
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,073
Oh, please!

577
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:04,659
Frenchy had her eyes
on my thighs all night long.

578
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:05,918
- Yeah.
- Did she, now?

579
00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:06,995
Oh, yeah?
Keep laughing.

580
00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:09,331
I bet you a buck I bang
the crêpe out of her first.

581
00:25:09,425 --> 00:25:10,541
Okay.

582
00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,626
Put your money where your mouth's been.
Fuck the buck.

583
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,427
Loser sits on a cactus.

584
00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:16,679
No, loser gets a perm.

585
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:19,887
No, loser cuts his
pinky-toe off with a shovel.

586
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:21,050
Take that bet. Take it now.

587
00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:23,102
I suggest you take the bet,
Rabbit. Really, honestly.

588
00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:24,353
Please shut up, Farva.

589
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:25,934
Okay. We have a deal.

590
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:27,519
You heard it, right?
We have a deal.

591
00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:30,185
Oh, so, this is where they
keep the illegal aliens, huh?

592
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:32,111
Ah, welcome, Officers!

593
00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:33,738
Welcome to the guys
who stood around

594
00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:35,235
while people threw
hockey pucks at us?

595
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:36,490
You gonna come up here talking

596
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:38,113
all that
"Make America Great" crap,

597
00:25:38,287 --> 00:25:40,904
you're bound to catch a face
full of Canadian tomato.

598
00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:42,367
Okay, okay. Listen up.

599
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,328
Two of you are gonna ride
with the Mounties.

600
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:45,954
They'll show you where
the bodies are buried.

601
00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:47,957
- Not it.
- Actually, it is you two.

602
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,293
It's not our idea
of a good time either, fellas.

603
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,545
Personally, I'd rather
fuck a moose.

604
00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:56,385
You would need a ladder
to do that.

605
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:59,639
Obviously, I would need
a ladder to fuck a moose.

606
00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:02,676
But I would find one,
and I would fuck that moose.

607
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:03,760
Okay!

608
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,138
Thorny, Rabbit,
I got a highway job for you.

609
00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:07,346
Let's do it!

610
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,277
Hey, Cap? Cap?

611
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:14,654
Whose car do I ride in?

612
00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:16,735
Why don't you
stay here with me?

613
00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:18,241
Sit over here.

614
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:19,617
That's the radio, though.

615
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,201
Great idea!

616
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,531
That way, if a call comes in,
you can answer it.

617
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:25,866
Huh?

618
00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:29,578
Okay, just today, though,
okay?

619
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:32,039
Everyone takes a turn.
It's a new station.

620
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,507
Fuckin' radio.

621
00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:39,338
What the fuck is this shit?

622
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:42,598
I mean, it's not gonna
kill him, is it?

623
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,680
I don't know.
Do you want it to kill him?

624
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,516
Allons-y!

625
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,269
Just a minute!

626
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:51,728
Just a, uh...

627
00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,734
What's Canadian for "minute"?

628
00:26:58,575 --> 00:26:59,736
Ah.

629
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:01,238
- There they are.
- Okay.

630
00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:03,907
Hm.

631
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:12,503
Are you swallowing
MandM's whole?

632
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,211
Yeah. The green ones
make me horny.

633
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:19,127
Why don't you chew them first?

634
00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:21,304
They all go
to the same place, right?

635
00:27:26,937 --> 00:27:28,769
<i>Hey, Farva, can I get a radio check?</i>

636
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,069
Why did you shock
your buddy, buddy?

637
00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:42,534
You know, every job has that
one guy that you love to hate.

638
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:44,410
Yeah, obnoxious. Oafish.

639
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,867
Oh, you mean like
your typical American?

640
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,456
Still waiting
on that radio check.

641
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:01,427
Fuckin' shit!

642
00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:03,633
This is an awesome assignment.

643
00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:06,220
Oh, come on, it's great.
Outside. On duty.

644
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,099
Hey, what's 80 kilometers
per hour in English?

645
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:13,731
I guess
49.7097 miles per hour.

646
00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:15,688
Uh, I don't think
we have any decimals.

647
00:28:15,861 --> 00:28:17,648
- Do you have a Sharpie?
- Uh, no.

648
00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:20,859
<i>Unit 23.
Come in, 23. Unit 23. Come in, 23.</i>

649
00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:23,616
Radio, until the turnover,
we have to keep things metric.

650
00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:28,155
So we are now Unit 37.015.
Try again.

651
00:28:28,332 --> 00:28:29,322
Whatever.

652
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:32,788
I got a call out
on Rue de Autoroute 77

653
00:28:32,878 --> 00:28:34,414
or some
Frère Jacques bullshit.

654
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:36,879
There's a gaggle of dead
Canadian Geese on the road.

655
00:28:37,049 --> 00:28:38,961
Yeah, up here, they just
call them geese, Radio.

656
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:41,213
<i>Well,
in two weeks, I call them American Geese.</i>

657
00:28:41,303 --> 00:28:42,669
Honk, honk. Go clean them off.

658
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:46,674
That's a big 16.09-6436,
good buddy.

659
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,185
Ah, ya,
there's the Pancake Shed.

660
00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:52,762
And that's the Flapjack's.

661
00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:54,348
Oh, there on the right,

662
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,307
that's Gigi's Bait,
Tackle and Pancakes.

663
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:57,604
But they're really known more

664
00:28:57,694 --> 00:28:58,901
- for their waffles.
- Yeah, they are.

665
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,812
Sounds like the Queen
must really love pancakes.

666
00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:02,939
What's that supposed to mean?

667
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:05,108
Aren't you guys still
ruled by the Queen of England?

668
00:29:05,285 --> 00:29:06,275
She's all over your money.

669
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:10,114
I'll have you know that
we achieved our independence in 1982.

670
00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:11,448
- Ooh!
- Oh!

671
00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:12,907
1982.

672
00:29:13,085 --> 00:29:15,498
Did Wham! perform
at the ceremony?

673
00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:17,503
Maybe if we had
our independence sooner,

674
00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,376
we'd have no gun control,
not believe in evolution

675
00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:22,417
and all be morbidly obese
without healthcare.

676
00:29:24,137 --> 00:29:25,753
Why don't you
pull in right up here?

677
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,632
Time for you to meet
the local business owners.

678
00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:48,568
Escorts?

679
00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:50,036
Here we are, boys.

680
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:58,248
Are we here
to bust up a cathouse?

681
00:29:58,422 --> 00:30:00,505
You can't arrest
people for having boners.

682
00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:01,956
It's legal up here, Yank.

683
00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:04,296
A hockey-themed,
dual-sex bordello.

684
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:05,422
Do we have that in the U.S.?

685
00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:06,923
I don't know, but put me in, Coach.

686
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:09,256
Oh, oh! Look who it is!
It's the fuzz.

687
00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:10,965
The Mayor hangs out
in a bordello?

688
00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:13,510
No, the Mayor
own the bordello.

689
00:30:13,687 --> 00:30:14,723
Here you go, boys.

690
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,429
How about a beer and a tug?
On the house.

691
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:18,272
- Hey!
- Oh, uh...

692
00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:19,394
Uh, maybe later.

693
00:30:19,568 --> 00:30:21,230
Oh, I understand.
Scram, girls.

694
00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:24,612
- How's it going, eh?
- Yeah, no, no. Maybe later.

695
00:30:24,781 --> 00:30:27,148
You guys!
You don't like women, you don't like men.

696
00:30:27,242 --> 00:30:29,199
What should I get, a
river beaver to pleasure you?

697
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:30,484
It's a joke.

698
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:32,161
Their teeth are so sharp,
it'd be horrible.

699
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:33,283
How can I help you fellas?

700
00:30:33,457 --> 00:30:35,449
Oh, the Yanks want to talk
about their U.S. laws.

701
00:30:35,625 --> 00:30:37,582
You know,
like serving weaker beer

702
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:39,410
and shutting down brothels.

703
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:40,954
Shutting down brothels?

704
00:30:41,131 --> 00:30:42,212
Who put you up to this?

705
00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:44,336
Was it Jean-Paul
down at Chez Poontang?

706
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:45,750
Huh? You guys pulling my chain?

707
00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:46,917
I don't think this is anything

708
00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,378
we need to get
too hung up on right now.

709
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:49,633
I can't believe
down in the States,

710
00:30:49,723 --> 00:30:51,555
it's illegal to have a beer
and enjoy tits and a dick.

711
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:54,008
I mean, beep beep!

712
00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,638
- There's no harm there.
- Oh. Uh...

713
00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,597
- Good workout, eh?
- Wow.

714
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:02,274
Honestly, Guy, we're not here
to lay down any laws.

715
00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:04,481
We're very sorry if there's
been a misunderstanding.

716
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:07,397
"We're sahrry?" "Sahrry."

717
00:31:09,076 --> 00:31:10,908
I'm sorry,
but that sounds stupid.

718
00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:14,157
- So sahrry.
- Sahrry.

719
00:31:14,331 --> 00:31:15,617
It's funny. I know.

720
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:18,495
And what exactly
is your beef with our beer?

721
00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:20,076
Oh, I don't have
any problem with the beer.

722
00:31:20,170 --> 00:31:22,378
I think the limit in the U.S.
is what, nine percent?

723
00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:24,755
Nine percent? How are you
supposed to get drunk?

724
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:27,675
I mean, you know, I think the idea is
you drink more of the weaker stuff.

725
00:31:27,761 --> 00:31:28,922
I bet it is.

726
00:31:29,012 --> 00:31:30,548
You Americans drinking
and eating everything.

727
00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,301
- Oh, no, you shouldn't.
- So fat.

728
00:31:32,391 --> 00:31:34,178
How about a little help
over here, huh?

729
00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:35,341
I don't think we have

730
00:31:35,435 --> 00:31:36,767
jurisdiction here anymore,
buddy.

731
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:37,843
All right.

732
00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:39,975
It's not like we're here to "screw you"
out of your rights.

733
00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:41,476
Darn tootin' you're not.

734
00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:42,640
Okay, look, relax.

735
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:43,975
Go away, you American pigs!

736
00:31:44,069 --> 00:31:46,311
Screw you, hippies!

737
00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:47,612
- Go home!
- Oh!

738
00:31:47,781 --> 00:31:48,862
Take it easy.

739
00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:50,614
Fight, fight, fight, fight!

740
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,655
Sorry about that.
It was an accident.

741
00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:00,408
Get out of here!

742
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:05,996
Get the fuck off me.

743
00:32:07,634 --> 00:32:09,250
Fuck you, motherfuckers.
Fuck you!

744
00:32:13,557 --> 00:32:15,594
- Vermont sucks, eh!
- Thank you.

745
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:16,883
See you later, sunshine!

746
00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,181
- Stupid Americans!
- Cheerio!

747
00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,601
Okay, this job isn't as fun
as I thought it was.

748
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:23,935
Arrogant American!

749
00:32:24,025 --> 00:32:26,062
The whole world is metric.
What's your problem, eh?

750
00:32:26,236 --> 00:32:27,443
Just doing our job, sir.

751
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,228
You're 185 centimeters tall,

752
00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,234
you weigh 92 kilogram.
Get used to it!

753
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:33,320
Okay.

754
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:35,280
Your authority don't mean
cheese up here.

755
00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:38,655
I can't tell if he's
calling me skinny or fat.

756
00:32:38,748 --> 00:32:40,364
<i>Officers requesting assistance</i>

757
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:41,870
<i>at the L'Explosion Bordello
on Route Four.</i>

758
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,826
We are under assault
by hookers.

759
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,331
Lots of them. Male and female.

760
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,417
Copy, 91.
We'll be right there.

761
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:49,339
Just as soon as we finish taking selfies

762
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:51,463
with the Victoria's Secret
Blow Job Team.

763
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:53,844
<i>I'm not kidding, Thorny!
There's too many of them.</i>

764
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:55,346
Will you get your dick
out of my face!

765
00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,051
<i>I just... I got glitter!</i>

766
00:32:57,225 --> 00:32:59,057
Glittering and...
Glittering and...

767
00:32:59,144 --> 00:33:00,510
I love it.
It's like we never left.

768
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:04,221
What the hell?

769
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:05,978
Remote driver?

770
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,308
Ghost car?

771
00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:17,780
We drilled that sign!

772
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:19,195
They're kids.

773
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,117
Give me those keys.

774
00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:23,291
Ow! No biting,
you little shitsky!

775
00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:24,366
What's your name, kid?

776
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:25,542
Stranger danger!
Stranger danger!

777
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:26,793
Where did you get the car?

778
00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,420
Suck it, cop!

779
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:33,505
Holy Christmas.

780
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:35,256
Oh, my God.

781
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,046
They're all hopped up
on goofballs.

782
00:33:37,224 --> 00:33:39,432
You can't catch me!

783
00:33:40,227 --> 00:33:41,763
I'm gonna get my
bean bag gun!

784
00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:44,054
Show me where you got these
and I'll let you play with my Taser.

785
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:45,267
Ooh! Yeah!

786
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:49,309
We gotta be careful.

787
00:33:49,402 --> 00:33:51,985
This is the kind of image
that could go viral.

788
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:54,230
There!

789
00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:00,077
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys.

790
00:34:02,332 --> 00:34:03,914
Stay! Stay.

791
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,477
What's up, Soapy?

792
00:34:25,814 --> 00:34:26,804
More pills?

793
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:30,607
Did Apple change their logo?

794
00:34:32,028 --> 00:34:33,235
What have we here?

795
00:34:34,364 --> 00:34:36,151
Cubans.

796
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:37,777
Must make you feel
right at home.

797
00:34:37,951 --> 00:34:38,941
Good one.

798
00:34:39,536 --> 00:34:40,743
Pills, pills, pills!

799
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:41,902
Oh, boy.

800
00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:47,875
Viva la revolución, baby!

801
00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:49,247
- Ay, ay, ay!
- Ugh.

802
00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:50,794
You ever hear
of the Cuban Embargo?

803
00:34:50,964 --> 00:34:52,375
That embargo
is yesterday's news.

804
00:34:52,549 --> 00:34:53,585
Not for me it isn't.

805
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,213
That's like sucking
Castro's cold, wrinkled dick.

806
00:34:58,388 --> 00:34:59,595
Cuban cigars,

807
00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:01,513
counterfeit iPhones
and unmarked pills.

808
00:35:01,683 --> 00:35:02,799
We got something here.

809
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:05,559
You boys stumbled
on quite a booty closet.

810
00:35:05,645 --> 00:35:06,635
A what now?

811
00:35:06,813 --> 00:35:08,600
Booty. Contraband.

812
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:10,514
What? They don't say
"booty" anymore?

813
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,433
- Not really, no.
- Nah.

814
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:14,526
Canadian counterfeit iPhones?

815
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:16,696
We should call them
eh-Phones, eh? Right?

816
00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,579
They all have the same number?
That's a rip-off.

817
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:27,952
So, what pills do we have?

818
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:29,116
Not sure.

819
00:35:29,294 --> 00:35:31,581
Five different kinds.
None of them have markings.

820
00:35:31,755 --> 00:35:32,791
Send them to the lab.

821
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:35,047
I tried! The U.S. lab said
send them to the Canadian lab.

822
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,216
The Canadian lab said,
"Oh, ya, hey there.

823
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,840
- "Send 'em over to the U.S. lab there."
- Maybe the Mounties have some pull?

824
00:35:39,929 --> 00:35:41,386
Boo!

825
00:35:41,473 --> 00:35:42,463
Fuck the Mounties!

826
00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:43,718
- Fuckin' Canada.
- Fuck that.

827
00:35:43,892 --> 00:35:45,474
For all we know,
this was the Mounties.

828
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:47,260
Easy on the local cop
conspiracies.

829
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:49,729
We'll solve this case ourselves.

830
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:51,309
I'll put a call
out to Montpelier,

831
00:35:51,399 --> 00:35:53,891
see if they can
line up a lab for us.

832
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,277
Wah, wah!
I don't need some nerd

833
00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:57,945
in a lab coat
to tell me what this shit is.

834
00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:03,442
Sometimes even
I've gotta hand it to you,

835
00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:04,743
you weird son of a bitch.

836
00:36:04,913 --> 00:36:06,449
But why is it that
you chew a pill

837
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:08,246
yet you swallow MandM's whole?

838
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:10,248
I'm a complicated guy, Mac.

839
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:12,084
Okay. All right.

840
00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:15,167
See you boys
in the Renaissance Period.

841
00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:16,330
Huzzah!

842
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:24,179
Can't move.

843
00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:26,390
My mouth is dry.

844
00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:27,933
What do you think,
like a heavy barbiturate?

845
00:36:28,019 --> 00:36:29,055
Maybe a muscle relaxant?

846
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:30,595
You really can't move?

847
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:33,139
I'm numb. I'm totally numb.

848
00:36:33,733 --> 00:36:35,144
Okay.

849
00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:37,351
What are you doing?

850
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:38,481
Oh!

851
00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:40,563
Fuck you, Mac.
I need medical attention.

852
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,857
Side effects may include
fatness and irritability.

853
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:44,158
I think it's a mood enhancer.

854
00:36:46,371 --> 00:36:47,657
God damn it.

855
00:36:47,831 --> 00:36:49,993
I know I'm in a better mood.

856
00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:51,073
Do we have
any more fly strips?

857
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:52,157
I want to make him a headband.

858
00:36:52,335 --> 00:36:54,201
<i>♪ Three little
maids from school are we ♪</i>

859
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:56,127
<i>♪ Pert as a school-girl
well should be ♪</i>

860
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:57,546
<i>♪ Filled to the brim
with girlish glee ♪</i>

861
00:36:57,632 --> 00:36:58,839
<i>♪ Three little maids from school ♪</i>

862
00:36:59,008 --> 00:37:01,250
- That's gotta be speed, right?
- Absolutely.

863
00:37:01,428 --> 00:37:03,795
<i>Wow. You seem kinda wired.</i>

864
00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:05,508
I'm just psyched
to be back on the job!

865
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,180
<i>Yeah, okay, well,
I knew you would be.</i>

866
00:37:07,267 --> 00:37:08,599
Ooh, did I tell ya the oth...

867
00:37:08,685 --> 00:37:10,051
Oh, yeah, I got,
I got a triangulator.

868
00:37:10,145 --> 00:37:11,727
<i>Why would you
need a triangulator?</i>

869
00:37:11,813 --> 00:37:12,974
Why does everyone
keep saying that?

870
00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:14,726
To triangulate, baby!

871
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:16,023
How come we never
go dancing anymore?

872
00:37:16,109 --> 00:37:18,226
When I get home, we're
gonna go fuckin' dancing.

873
00:37:18,319 --> 00:37:19,901
<i>Okay. I can't wait.</i>

874
00:37:19,988 --> 00:37:22,480
Rabbit, I need some lemonade.

875
00:37:23,366 --> 00:37:25,483
Rabbit. Get me
some lemonade, please.

876
00:37:26,953 --> 00:37:28,785
Get me some
goddamn lemonade, rookie!

877
00:37:29,372 --> 00:37:31,534
Don't you call me rookie,
you fucker!

878
00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:33,870
I will fucking put my fist
right through your head!

879
00:37:34,043 --> 00:37:35,500
- I'm thinkin' roids.
- Absolutely.

880
00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:36,751
How about you?
You feel anything?

881
00:37:37,297 --> 00:37:39,755
Wet mouth. Sweaty palms.

882
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:44,423
Moist ear canals. And I'm
just feeling emotional.

883
00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:46,261
Hm. Okay.

884
00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:52,051
I think you took
a Canadian female

885
00:37:52,145 --> 00:37:55,809
sexual enhancement drug
called Flova Scotia.

886
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:58,186
"Made in Canada,
but banned in the U.S."

887
00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:04,313
<i>When the time is right,</i>

888
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:06,023
<i>but you're not.</i>

889
00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:08,651
<i>Flova Scotia, eh?</i>

890
00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:09,909
<i>Side effects may include</i>

891
00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:12,113
<i>wet mouth, sweaty palms,
damp ears, moist groin,</i>

892
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:15,658
<i>varicose breasts, hair loss,
queefing, and bitchiness.</i>

893
00:38:15,835 --> 00:38:17,792
<i>Flova Scotia, eh?</i>

894
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,079
You can say "queefing"
on Canadian TV?

895
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:21,505
Ha! What a country!

896
00:38:21,674 --> 00:38:23,210
What about you?
You're awful smiley.

897
00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:24,465
I'm on acid.

898
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:26,753
Pharmaceutical acid?
Is there such a thing?

899
00:38:26,930 --> 00:38:28,922
Don't know. But I do know
you have exactly

900
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:31,132
1,509 hairs in your mustache.

901
00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:34,723
Close! 1,521. I had them
counted for my birthday.

902
00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:36,512
- Really?
- Yeah.

903
00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:38,146
- Really?
- Yeah!

904
00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,441
I don't know
what to believe, Thorn!

905
00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:42,317
- Okay.
- Don't you do that.

906
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:43,648
I'm really looking
forward to this.

907
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:44,812
Well?

908
00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:47,026
You guys come up
with anything?

909
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:49,529
Indeed we have some
very interesting leads.

910
00:38:49,702 --> 00:38:51,034
Some of them
from that computer!

911
00:38:51,204 --> 00:38:53,446
I think that we are
on top of this case.

912
00:38:53,623 --> 00:38:55,205
We're gonna find out
who did this

913
00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:57,658
and we're gonna stomp in
their stupid fucking faces!

914
00:38:58,294 --> 00:38:59,284
Okay.

915
00:38:59,629 --> 00:39:01,586
Well, the shack's a dead end.

916
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:03,998
It's on abandoned land owned
by a defunct mining company,

917
00:39:04,092 --> 00:39:05,833
so anyone could have
put the booty out there.

918
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:08,635
Why you laughing, Guy Smiley?

919
00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:15,930
Okay.

920
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:17,094
If we stake out the shack,

921
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,225
maybe we can catch
someone coming or going.

922
00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:20,389
Let's get back out there.

923
00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,564
Farva, hit the radio.

924
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:26,732
<i>You are a majestic snake</i>

925
00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:28,985
<i>with an impressive mustache.</i>

926
00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:32,033
<i>Now you must shed your skin</i>

927
00:39:32,161 --> 00:39:34,153
<i>to become a tiny dragon!</i>

928
00:39:34,998 --> 00:39:37,490
<i>Head pop!</i>

929
00:39:39,127 --> 00:39:40,368
You hearing this?

930
00:39:40,461 --> 00:39:41,918
Come on! Hit the radio!

931
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:43,712
Farva! Come on!

932
00:39:51,014 --> 00:39:52,676
Uh-oh.

933
00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:54,389
Woo-hoo!

934
00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:56,011
I love grass!

935
00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:57,721
I love life!

936
00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:59,353
I love music!

937
00:40:00,857 --> 00:40:02,223
Think puppies,
not steroids.

938
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,483
Think puppies, not steroids.

939
00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:07,110
Smiling. Puppies.

940
00:40:09,908 --> 00:40:11,069
Whew!

941
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:16,737
Bunnies!

942
00:40:17,332 --> 00:40:18,322
Bunnies!

943
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,324
Hi, bunny. Hi.

944
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:23,790
Rabbit. My name is Rabbit.
Oh, so cute little thing.

945
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,166
Bub, bub, bub, bub.

946
00:40:25,798 --> 00:40:26,788
Hey.

947
00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:39,434
Just stay there!

948
00:40:42,023 --> 00:40:44,185
Feel the steroids

949
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:46,517
melting away.

950
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,523
Don't let the job
stress you out.

951
00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:49,777
I love the job.

952
00:40:49,864 --> 00:40:52,447
Doesn't stress me out.
Farva stresses me out.

953
00:40:52,617 --> 00:40:53,733
Such a shame.

954
00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:56,409
Why are the good-looking ones
always so obnoxious?

955
00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:58,403
You think he's good-looking?

956
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,991
"The bigger the cushion,

957
00:41:02,085 --> 00:41:03,417
"the better the pushing."

958
00:41:03,753 --> 00:41:05,665
- No.
- No.

959
00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:08,873
I would rather have sex
with a baboon.

960
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:11,421
It's funny though, huh?

961
00:41:11,594 --> 00:41:14,257
We all have that one
horrible person we work with.

962
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:17,468
For me, it's my office manager
Lonnie Laloush.

963
00:41:17,558 --> 00:41:21,017
Oh, he can be
such a "deeckwad."

964
00:41:21,104 --> 00:41:23,061
What?

965
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:24,221
It's just with your accent,

966
00:41:24,315 --> 00:41:26,102
the way you say "dickwad"
is adorable.

967
00:41:26,275 --> 00:41:28,358
No, but it's true.
He is a deeckwad.

968
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,363
First you steal ourjob

969
00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:34,481
and now you sit here

970
00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:36,988
gazing lovingly
into the eyes of our women.

971
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:39,028
Your women?

972
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,992
Well, maybe we should
take him in the back,

973
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:42,869
give him
Canadian handshake, eh?

974
00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:44,040
What's that?

975
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:46,668
Let's just say it involve
a bag of hockey puck

976
00:41:46,754 --> 00:41:48,495
and a lot of warm gravy.

977
00:41:48,589 --> 00:41:50,296
Mm. Sounds delicious.

978
00:41:50,383 --> 00:41:51,874
Make way!

979
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:53,667
Hot soup coming through!

980
00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:56,462
Oh, Canadian standoff, huh?

981
00:41:56,556 --> 00:41:58,798
Oh, it look like
Professor Stephen Hawking

982
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,803
has really let himself
go these days.

983
00:42:04,272 --> 00:42:06,138
When God created Canada,

984
00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:09,020
it was like
the universe farted.

985
00:42:10,194 --> 00:42:11,981
Why do all the fat one
always ride around

986
00:42:12,071 --> 00:42:13,357
on these little scooters?

987
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,363
You ever stop and think
that if you walk,

988
00:42:15,450 --> 00:42:16,657
you might actually be thin?

989
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,110
Wow.

990
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:23,614
These pigs are harassing
the handicapped!

991
00:42:23,791 --> 00:42:26,078
Everybody look.
Take a phone video!

992
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,834
Hey! Leave him alone!

993
00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:29,916
Hey! This shit is far from over.

994
00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:33,085
- You want to go to TJ's Arcade?
- Oui.

995
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:34,921
I have some loonie
I need to break.

996
00:42:35,011 --> 00:42:36,297
C'est bon.

997
00:42:38,181 --> 00:42:39,547
Fuckin' Frenchies.

998
00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:44,177
What are you two
doing together? Mall walking?

999
00:42:44,353 --> 00:42:46,936
We ran into each other
at the pet store.

1000
00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:50,065
Rabbit.
You shopping for a new gerbil?

1001
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:54,686
Hey, Gwenevieve,
how about the two of us

1002
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:56,238
go over to
the Saskatchuan Palace

1003
00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:58,148
and get a wang dang doodle?

1004
00:42:58,493 --> 00:42:59,529
Heu, non.

1005
00:42:59,619 --> 00:43:02,111
Ooh, woof woof. Put a little
bark on that, and I'll bite.

1006
00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:05,164
Okay, I'm going to go.

1007
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:08,492
It was great seeing you.

1008
00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:10,376
Don't leave on my account.

1009
00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:13,038
Uh-huh! Cocky, huh?

1010
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:15,253
How about we up the bet?

1011
00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:16,633
There is no bet, Farva.

1012
00:43:16,803 --> 00:43:18,169
Okay, new bet then.

1013
00:43:18,346 --> 00:43:21,259
Loser not only cuts off
his pinky toe with a shovel,

1014
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:22,764
he puts it in a blender

1015
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:25,308
and drinks it in a smoothie,
toenail and all.

1016
00:43:25,394 --> 00:43:26,384
Come on.

1017
00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:28,805
- Shake it, don't mistake it.
- You're serious?

1018
00:43:28,898 --> 00:43:30,514
Serious as a heart attack.

1019
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:33,146
And I should know.
I've had two.

1020
00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:37,274
- Wow.
- Pinky toe smoothie!

1021
00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:46,412
Somebody clean this up.

1022
00:43:55,258 --> 00:43:56,499
Son of a bitch.

1023
00:43:56,717 --> 00:43:57,707
Hey!

1024
00:43:57,802 --> 00:43:59,668
Heat goggles have arrived!

1025
00:44:00,888 --> 00:44:02,174
Looking hot, Mac.

1026
00:44:03,099 --> 00:44:05,136
Hey, nickel plated cuffs!

1027
00:44:05,434 --> 00:44:08,472
Oh, shit.
These things are defective.

1028
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:09,682
What's wrong with them?

1029
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:10,937
They don't seem to lock.

1030
00:44:11,107 --> 00:44:12,564
Here. Let me see.

1031
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:14,269
Here you go, Rabbit,
give me that hand.

1032
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:19,734
- I got mine to work.
- Maybe it's this one.

1033
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:21,489
- Okay.
- Oh yeah. That works. Okay, good.

1034
00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:22,487
Try the ankle ones.

1035
00:44:22,577 --> 00:44:24,284
Oh, you always gotta
check the ankle ones.

1036
00:44:24,370 --> 00:44:26,362
- That's the most important.
- And here we go.

1037
00:44:26,455 --> 00:44:27,946
You son-a-bitches.

1038
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:29,121
You're not shaving my balls!

1039
00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:31,370
It'd be an insult to our
Canadian hosts if we didn't.

1040
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:32,951
I'm not a rookie anymore.
Get these off me.

1041
00:44:33,045 --> 00:44:34,627
Do you not want to be
an ambassador of goodwill?

1042
00:44:34,714 --> 00:44:36,330
No. I don't. Get these off me.

1043
00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:38,624
Rabbit, it's not like
we want to shave your balls.

1044
00:44:38,718 --> 00:44:40,710
- Thorny, do you want to shave his balls?
- Me? Hell no.

1045
00:44:40,803 --> 00:44:41,884
- Foster?
- No way.

1046
00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:43,507
You don't wanna shave
his balls, do you, Farva?

1047
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:44,588
Hell yeah, I do!

1048
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:45,672
I even went out and bought

1049
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,052
one of those
old-timey straight razors.

1050
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:49,263
- No. No.
- Check this out.

1051
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:52,095
Jesus!

1052
00:44:52,190 --> 00:44:53,897
Goddamn Canadian wiring!

1053
00:44:53,983 --> 00:44:55,770
It's wrecking
my freakin' sperm count!

1054
00:44:57,904 --> 00:45:00,271
Are you still taking
the Flova Scotia?

1055
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:01,905
What part of
"side effects include

1056
00:45:01,991 --> 00:45:03,698
"queefing and bitchiness"
did you not understand?

1057
00:45:03,868 --> 00:45:06,406
Dude, the orgasms are
like a moonshot.

1058
00:45:06,579 --> 00:45:07,945
You can't keep taking
female hormones.

1059
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,075
It's gonna mess you up.

1060
00:45:09,248 --> 00:45:10,284
Jealous much?

1061
00:45:10,458 --> 00:45:11,824
Now who are you
orgasming with?

1062
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:14,038
Her name is Quebecois Debbie.

1063
00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:17,171
Oh, Thorny, your cock,
she is so wide.

1064
00:45:17,256 --> 00:45:19,498
I'd fuck her.

1065
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,717
- Okay, let's shave this sack.
- Don't.

1066
00:45:35,691 --> 00:45:36,681
Ready?

1067
00:45:36,776 --> 00:45:38,312
Seriously,
cut the crap, guys.

1068
00:45:43,699 --> 00:45:45,736
Ahem!

1069
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,317
There's a bear in the station.

1070
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:50,028
Is that a euphemism for something?

1071
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:52,994
It's a euphemism for
there's a goddamn bear

1072
00:45:53,167 --> 00:45:56,501
eating slabs of raw meat
in the goddamn station!

1073
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:02,750
- Yeah. Bear.
- Okay.

1074
00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:03,833
Where are the guns?

1075
00:46:03,928 --> 00:46:05,385
In the room with the bear.

1076
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:06,886
Tear gas grenades?

1077
00:46:07,056 --> 00:46:08,672
- I just got a new delivery!
- Where is it?

1078
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:11,262
In the room
with the guns and the bear.

1079
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:13,267
What if we send Rabbit
out to fuck the bear

1080
00:46:13,354 --> 00:46:14,595
as a means
of distracting said bear?

1081
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:16,180
- Yes.
- God damn it,

1082
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:17,685
we've got to get
the meat out of there!

1083
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,438
Fine, fuck it. I'll do it.

1084
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:22,352
- I'll go with you.
- Really?

1085
00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:24,988
- Yeah. What's the worst that could happen?
- You get mauled by the bear.

1086
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:26,485
Or that bear
could get mauled by me.

1087
00:46:26,575 --> 00:46:28,237
- You ever think about that?
- No, I didn't.

1088
00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:29,317
Okay, here's the plan:

1089
00:46:29,412 --> 00:46:31,495
I'll go out there and distract the bear,
while you get the meat

1090
00:46:31,580 --> 00:46:33,617
- and get it the hell out of the station.
- Team Ram-Rod!

1091
00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:35,157
Please don't start
with that shit.

1092
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:41,997
Good luck, fellas.

1093
00:46:43,926 --> 00:46:45,792
Okay.
You stay here.

1094
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,597
Big boy. Hey, big boy!

1095
00:46:54,603 --> 00:46:55,889
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, no.

1096
00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,476
Come here, Ditka.
Come here. Come here, boy!

1097
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:00,056
Go, go, go.

1098
00:47:00,860 --> 00:47:02,067
Come on!

1099
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,144
Come on! Come on!

1100
00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:05,483
Come, come!

1101
00:47:05,573 --> 00:47:06,563
Okay.

1102
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:08,114
Okay, okay.

1103
00:47:08,284 --> 00:47:09,274
Fuck you, bear.

1104
00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:11,325
Shit.

1105
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,488
Shit.

1106
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:25,916
Go, go, go, go!

1107
00:47:32,391 --> 00:47:33,927
<i>♪ Big bear... ♪</i>

1108
00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:36,476
<i>♪ Got a chest like a rug... ♪</i>

1109
00:47:36,562 --> 00:47:37,769
Oh, shit.

1110
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,563
<i>♪ He don't take no guff,
he's big bear... ♪</i>

1111
00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:43,308
Hey. Hey.
Get out of there. Stop.

1112
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:45,936
- Should I shoot him?
- Who? Farva?

1113
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:47,020
Ooh, good idea.

1114
00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:48,689
No, no! No, no, no.

1115
00:47:52,119 --> 00:47:53,610
Go away!

1116
00:47:56,165 --> 00:47:57,372
Oh!

1117
00:47:57,458 --> 00:47:58,369
<i>♪ Big bear ♪</i>

1118
00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:00,291
Get away, bear.

1119
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:02,665
<i>♪ C'mon, give the bear a hug! ♪♪</i>

1120
00:48:03,339 --> 00:48:05,376
Go! Go! Go!

1121
00:48:05,716 --> 00:48:07,048
Get out of here. Fuck.

1122
00:48:11,764 --> 00:48:13,801
Holy shit,
I "bear-ly" made it.

1123
00:48:16,060 --> 00:48:17,596
That could've been "grizzly."

1124
00:48:17,686 --> 00:48:19,222
Yeah.

1125
00:48:19,397 --> 00:48:21,138
I think someone took
a "growler" in here.

1126
00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:22,647
Shoot him.

1127
00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:25,441
Fuckin' Mounties!

1128
00:48:25,611 --> 00:48:26,977
Son of a bitch!

1129
00:48:27,196 --> 00:48:29,609
Those guys have been assholes
since the moment we arrived

1130
00:48:29,698 --> 00:48:31,109
and now they are
trying to kill us.

1131
00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:32,990
This goes a lot farther
than just being angry

1132
00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:34,113
about losing their jobs.

1133
00:48:34,203 --> 00:48:36,115
Cap, we've been
pelted by hockey pucks,

1134
00:48:36,205 --> 00:48:37,787
had dicks tugged
in front of our faces

1135
00:48:37,957 --> 00:48:40,290
and gotten our asses kicked
by prostitutes of both sexes.

1136
00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:42,576
I think it's time we had
our own fun. Who's with me?

1137
00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:43,914
Yeah! Let's go!

1138
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:47,126
- Dude, you fuckin' stink.
- Sorry.

1139
00:48:48,551 --> 00:48:51,760
Guys! Guys! Anyone?

1140
00:48:52,638 --> 00:48:54,595
The shaving cream
is starting to burn.

1141
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:56,048
Did you use menthol?

1142
00:48:56,225 --> 00:48:58,512
Hair loss,
queefing and bitchiness.

1143
00:48:58,686 --> 00:49:00,598
Flova Scotia, eh?

1144
00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:04,473
Fuckin' rights.
It's the same guy, bud.

1145
00:49:04,650 --> 00:49:07,108
No, no, no. It's
a different guy, that guy, eh.

1146
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:09,235
No! That's Danny DeVito!

1147
00:49:09,405 --> 00:49:11,943
Danny DeVito
is the actor from <i>Taxi,</i>

1148
00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,323
but that guy I like,

1149
00:49:13,409 --> 00:49:16,117
he come out on
<i>Always Sunny in Philadelphias.</i>

1150
00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:17,239
Bud, they're the same guy.

1151
00:49:17,329 --> 00:49:19,412
How many 145-centimeter actors
do you think there are?

1152
00:49:19,582 --> 00:49:20,948
They're both Danny DeVito!

1153
00:49:22,126 --> 00:49:24,584
No, Danny DeVito
<i>Taxi</i> long time ago.

1154
00:49:24,753 --> 00:49:27,496
But this producer
from <i>Always Sunnys,</i>

1155
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:29,252
they like him so much,

1156
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:31,758
they put him it
into the show, eh.

1157
00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:34,089
That doesn't mean they
can't be the same guy, bud.

1158
00:49:34,263 --> 00:49:35,629
That's one guy.
It's a different era.

1159
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:37,468
He can do two shows
in fucking 30 years.

1160
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:39,507
How many times
do we have to go over this?

1161
00:49:39,602 --> 00:49:41,389
It's the same fucking guy!

1162
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:46,560
He is right, you know.
It is the same guy.

1163
00:49:46,734 --> 00:49:48,896
Danny DeVito was in <i>Taxis,</i>

1164
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,649
but he is also in <i>It's Always
Sunny in Philadelphias.</i>

1165
00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:54,231
I know. I make joke on him.

1166
00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:57,033
He think I don't know,
but I know, eh.

1167
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,823
You know who is my favorite,
uh, superhero villain?

1168
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,208
Is the Penguin
from <i>Batman</i> film, eh.

1169
00:50:05,377 --> 00:50:07,460
That's fuckin'
Danny DeVito, bud.

1170
00:50:07,630 --> 00:50:08,916
Get a fucking clue!

1171
00:50:09,006 --> 00:50:10,542
That's Danny DeVito
you just said!

1172
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,165
Can you believe
this fuckin' guy doesn't know

1173
00:50:12,259 --> 00:50:13,249
who Danny DeVito is?

1174
00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:14,334
Who you mean? The singer?

1175
00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:17,261
No, the fuckin' actor!
Danny DeVito.

1176
00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:19,214
The guy who's married
to Rhea Perlman!

1177
00:50:19,391 --> 00:50:21,007
Oh, I like him in <i>Hellboy.</i>

1178
00:50:21,185 --> 00:50:22,551
That's Ron Perlman!

1179
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:25,687
Doesn't matter. Archambault!
Hockey is back on!

1180
00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:26,980
What the fuck is wrong
with you guys?

1181
00:50:27,149 --> 00:50:28,811
Both of you. You're fuckin'
from another planet.

1182
00:50:28,901 --> 00:50:30,563
I can't believe we live
in the same country.

1183
00:50:30,653 --> 00:50:32,019
Oh, the fucking phone

1184
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:33,444
is ringing during
hockey night in Canada!

1185
00:50:33,531 --> 00:50:35,397
Who is calling during
hockey night in Canada?

1186
00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:37,611
Who the fuck even has
a hard line anymore?

1187
00:50:37,785 --> 00:50:40,072
Archambault, rip the fuckin'
phone out of the wall!

1188
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,487
What's next?
You're gonna have someone

1189
00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:43,287
deliver a pizza during
the fuckin' overtime?

1190
00:50:46,126 --> 00:50:47,583
What the fuck?

1191
00:50:54,677 --> 00:50:56,509
You know,
the other guy I like,

1192
00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,386
is the one
giving Billy Crystal

1193
00:50:58,472 --> 00:51:00,714
the problem in
<i>Throw Momma and the Trains.</i>

1194
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,393
Holy merde.

1195
00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:21,442
Get him!

1196
00:51:33,882 --> 00:51:35,123
Great fight, guys!

1197
00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,005
Pennyworth ADH4
SureShot Cattle Prod.

1198
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,256
Every station needs one.

1199
00:51:41,348 --> 00:51:43,089
I can't breathe.

1200
00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:02,867
We know it's you guys.
We can see your mustaches.

1201
00:52:03,537 --> 00:52:04,744
You can't leave us out here.

1202
00:52:04,830 --> 00:52:07,538
We are at least
100 kilomètres in the woods!

1203
00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:08,949
Maybe more, huh?

1204
00:52:15,674 --> 00:52:18,166
Ah, tabernacle.
Here come the mosquito.

1205
00:52:23,432 --> 00:52:24,593
We got 24 hours

1206
00:52:24,683 --> 00:52:26,766
to desecrate the good name
of these dickfucks.

1207
00:52:26,935 --> 00:52:28,927
Let's do it!

1208
00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:35,855
Let's do it.

1209
00:52:39,907 --> 00:52:41,864
License and registration, eh!

1210
00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:44,443
- Here you go.
- Captain.

1211
00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:45,902
- Come in, Captain.
- Officer.

1212
00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:47,237
Captain, come in.

1213
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:48,367
Officer, here you go.

1214
00:52:48,457 --> 00:52:50,164
Are you hearing
anything, Captain?

1215
00:52:50,250 --> 00:52:51,707
Man, you think maybe
your buddy is getting

1216
00:52:51,794 --> 00:52:53,626
a little old for this?
I mean, a deaf cop?

1217
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:55,745
Who said that, eh?

1218
00:52:56,131 --> 00:52:59,090
Ooh. You, sir,
have the nose of a king.

1219
00:52:59,551 --> 00:53:02,009
Hold tight, I'm gonna
get my ticket book.

1220
00:53:03,806 --> 00:53:05,297
Ya! Hey there.

1221
00:53:05,474 --> 00:53:07,215
- License and registration.
- All right.

1222
00:53:07,309 --> 00:53:09,141
Let's go!
License and registration, eh!

1223
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:14,059
What's so funny, Mr. Matt Tomon?

1224
00:53:14,149 --> 00:53:15,139
You think it's funny that

1225
00:53:15,234 --> 00:53:16,691
I lost my balls
in a tractor pull?

1226
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,522
Wait, you both
got your nuts ripped off

1227
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:19,602
in a tractor pull?

1228
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:21,396
I lost mine in the spokes
of my bicycle.

1229
00:53:21,573 --> 00:53:23,280
You know how fast
that will stop a bicycle?

1230
00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:27,069
Hey, Officer!

1231
00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:29,620
- Hey, you're on my wagon.
- What?

1232
00:53:29,790 --> 00:53:32,533
Come on! Wake up! Wake up!

1233
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:34,537
License and registration, eh?

1234
00:53:36,255 --> 00:53:38,247
'Scuse me one second, eh.

1235
00:53:38,549 --> 00:53:39,585
You bitch!

1236
00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:41,757
- Get back here, you!
- Ow! Ow!

1237
00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:45,841
- Hey, there.
- Hi.

1238
00:53:46,014 --> 00:53:47,630
License and registration.

1239
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:51,218
Hey, aren't you the two
that pulled me over before?

1240
00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:52,602
Beg your pardon?

1241
00:53:52,771 --> 00:53:56,230
How are you Mounties now?
Or should I say Meow-nties?

1242
00:53:56,316 --> 00:53:57,807
Say what now?

1243
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,067
Few years ago,
you pulled me over

1244
00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:02,111
and you played some game
where you said "meow."

1245
00:54:02,281 --> 00:54:03,943
Buddy, I've said
a thousand stupid things

1246
00:54:04,032 --> 00:54:05,113
to people over the years.

1247
00:54:05,284 --> 00:54:07,025
You asked if I saw you
jumping around

1248
00:54:07,119 --> 00:54:09,577
all nimbly-bimbly
from tree to tree?

1249
00:54:09,747 --> 00:54:11,864
I can assure you
I've never said the words

1250
00:54:11,957 --> 00:54:14,119
"nimbly-bimbly" in my life.

1251
00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:15,784
- You fucker!
- Oh, you bitch!

1252
00:54:17,337 --> 00:54:19,374
Where's the gosh darn cruiser?

1253
00:54:20,758 --> 00:54:22,420
Dude, your partner
is about to get mucked!

1254
00:54:22,593 --> 00:54:24,459
Where you going, mister?
Freeze!

1255
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:28,217
Ow. Ow!

1256
00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:36,262
Bro!

1257
00:54:37,232 --> 00:54:39,064
Hang on.
Do you really not remember this guy

1258
00:54:39,151 --> 00:54:40,141
or you just fuckin' with him?

1259
00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:41,396
Yeah, I have no idea who he is.

1260
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:42,773
You know I heard
everything you said.

1261
00:54:42,863 --> 00:54:44,479
Son of a bitch.
We've been doing that for years.

1262
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:46,648
Forget it. Am I getting
a ticket here, or what?

1263
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,234
I want to get my head around this,
'cause now it's driving me crazy.

1264
00:54:49,328 --> 00:54:51,615
Let's do this. We'll switch.
You'll be me, I'll be you

1265
00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:52,786
and then you'll do the routine.

1266
00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:53,992
What? All right.

1267
00:54:54,082 --> 00:54:55,368
Ah, you'll kill it, you'll kill it.

1268
00:54:57,377 --> 00:55:00,711
License and registration meow.
Come on, meow.

1269
00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:03,248
Hey! Now I remember it!

1270
00:55:03,342 --> 00:55:05,299
- I remember it now.
- You remember that.

1271
00:55:05,469 --> 00:55:07,426
In the meanwhile, never give
your car keys to a stranger.

1272
00:55:07,596 --> 00:55:08,632
Why is that?

1273
00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:10,054
See you, sucker!

1274
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:12,469
I knew it was you
the whole time, asshole!

1275
00:55:13,977 --> 00:55:16,264
What the hell is going on here? Huh?

1276
00:55:16,355 --> 00:55:18,563
Looks like someone is smoking
the reefer joints.

1277
00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:19,813
No, that's not marijuana.

1278
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:20,894
We'll see about that.

1279
00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:22,771
Farva, that's not a good idea!

1280
00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:26,020
What's the...

1281
00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:29,740
Okay, this is happening.

1282
00:55:33,622 --> 00:55:36,365
<i>Do you know how fast you were going?</i>

1283
00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:37,831
Sorry.

1284
00:55:38,001 --> 00:55:39,742
<i>Do you know how fast you were going?</i>

1285
00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:42,496
We're from America.
We don't speak French.

1286
00:55:42,589 --> 00:55:43,625
Oh.

1287
00:55:49,263 --> 00:55:50,674
Do neither of you speak English?

1288
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,339
- I do.
- Oh.

1289
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:54,139
Em...

1290
00:55:54,226 --> 00:55:55,558
Your papers.

1291
00:55:55,853 --> 00:55:59,688
We would like
to eat your papers.

1292
00:55:59,857 --> 00:56:02,816
Can you show me your party papers?

1293
00:56:02,901 --> 00:56:05,143
- You want to see our party papers?
- You want... the party papers?

1294
00:56:27,759 --> 00:56:28,795
Eau de toilette!

1295
00:56:30,095 --> 00:56:31,757
Officers? I'm sorry.

1296
00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:33,008
You're... you're obviously in...

1297
00:56:33,181 --> 00:56:34,467
No, no, no, no, no.

1298
00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:37,392
I must apologize, uh,
for me and my partner.

1299
00:56:37,686 --> 00:56:39,018
We should not fight.

1300
00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:40,974
To argue is no way
to go through the life.

1301
00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:42,054
I know.

1302
00:56:42,190 --> 00:56:44,102
- Do you know the key to life?
- What's that?

1303
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:46,393
The key to life is a...

1304
00:56:47,195 --> 00:56:49,437
a penis in your asshole.

1305
00:56:49,907 --> 00:56:52,069
I beg your pardon, sir!

1306
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:54,359
I think you must be
saying that wrong!

1307
00:56:54,536 --> 00:56:58,951
No, no, no. The key to life
is a penis in your asshole.

1308
00:56:59,124 --> 00:57:01,457
I don't think you're saying
what you mean to say.

1309
00:57:01,543 --> 00:57:02,704
Oh, oui! Oui! Oui!

1310
00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:04,001
A penis. A penis.

1311
00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:06,921
You know, eh, eh, to smile.
To be happy.

1312
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:08,373
Oh!

1313
00:57:08,967 --> 00:57:10,708
"Happiness!"

1314
00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:12,468
Honey! It's...

1315
00:57:12,638 --> 00:57:13,628
Okay.

1316
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,467
In your asshole.

1317
00:57:16,308 --> 00:57:17,298
That's...

1318
00:57:17,434 --> 00:57:19,676
Your asshole.
Eh, where you live.

1319
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:22,183
Your appartement,
your domicile.

1320
00:57:22,356 --> 00:57:23,688
Your house.

1321
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:25,143
- "Household!"
- Ah!

1322
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:28,481
"The key to life is happiness
in your household!"

1323
00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:31,146
The key to life is
"a penis in your asshole"!

1324
00:57:31,323 --> 00:57:32,939
- Oh!
- I'm trying to tell her that.

1325
00:57:37,537 --> 00:57:39,073
What you think I say?

1326
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:40,408
Oh, I don't even
want to tell you.

1327
00:57:40,582 --> 00:57:42,289
Maybe they'll get
a kick out of it.

1328
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,291
We thought that you said,

1329
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:49,047
that the key to life
is a penis in your asshole.

1330
00:57:49,132 --> 00:57:50,373
Sacrebleu, non!

1331
00:57:51,343 --> 00:57:53,505
You Americans think
everyone want to fuck you!

1332
00:57:53,595 --> 00:57:55,461
No one want to fuck you!

1333
00:57:55,555 --> 00:57:56,636
Merde!

1334
00:57:57,057 --> 00:57:58,969
Here is your party papers!

1335
00:57:59,893 --> 00:58:01,805
I thought Canadians were nice.

1336
00:58:02,354 --> 00:58:04,437
Whoa! Whoa!
Wait for me. Okay.

1337
00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:06,848
I was thinking
we could do like

1338
00:58:06,942 --> 00:58:08,103
a "Who's on First?" pullover.

1339
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,768
"Rabbit and Fostello."
You know, old-time comedy.

1340
00:58:10,862 --> 00:58:11,852
- Love it.
- Ooh!

1341
00:58:14,950 --> 00:58:16,907
- How did they get back so quick?
- Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

1342
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,155
- Shit!
- Go, go, go, go!

1343
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:28,369
There these
son-of-a-bitch guys, eh!

1344
00:58:28,463 --> 00:58:30,045
Stomp you a new mudhole!

1345
00:58:30,132 --> 00:58:31,213
Whoa, whoa!

1346
00:58:31,299 --> 00:58:32,915
What the hell happened
to you guys?

1347
00:58:33,093 --> 00:58:34,755
They dump us in the woods!

1348
00:58:34,928 --> 00:58:36,544
Why would we do that?
We're the police.

1349
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,171
Too bad for you
my dad dropped me in the woods

1350
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,131
- naked every summer!
- Hah?

1351
00:58:40,225 --> 00:58:41,557
Oh, sounds too bad for you.

1352
00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:43,434
Come on. You know you do this.
Look at us.

1353
00:58:43,603 --> 00:58:45,890
We are paint all red,
white and blue.

1354
00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:47,555
Aren't those the colors
of the French flag?

1355
00:58:47,649 --> 00:58:49,356
Oh, the color the French flag.

1356
00:58:49,443 --> 00:58:50,900
Perhaps the guys
who did this were British.

1357
00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:52,227
Could've been Costa Rican.

1358
00:58:52,404 --> 00:58:54,236
Who wants breakfast burritos?

1359
00:58:56,408 --> 00:58:57,444
Take that off or I'll kill you.

1360
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:58,866
Let's settle this
the Canadian way!

1361
00:58:58,952 --> 00:58:59,942
You're in America now!

1362
00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,830
Hey! What's going on here?

1363
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,287
Great Tim Horton's ghost!

1364
00:59:07,461 --> 00:59:09,202
First, I get a call
that the Mounties

1365
00:59:09,296 --> 00:59:11,037
are out farting sideways
on the highways.

1366
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:12,671
Then I get a call
to come down here.

1367
00:59:12,758 --> 00:59:13,839
Oh, it wasn't us!

1368
00:59:14,009 --> 00:59:15,921
These fucking guys,
they kidnap us

1369
00:59:16,011 --> 00:59:17,377
and they leave us
in the woods to die.

1370
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:20,467
Yeah, then they steal
all three of our uniform, eh.

1371
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,131
These guys put a bear
in our station!

1372
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:23,181
A real bear. Big bear!

1373
00:59:23,351 --> 00:59:25,308
You don't have
any proof of that.

1374
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:26,719
A real bear?

1375
00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:29,560
Maybe. And maybe
they deserve a bear!

1376
00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:30,974
Nobody deserves a bear!

1377
00:59:31,151 --> 00:59:32,483
I give a bear to you!

1378
00:59:32,652 --> 00:59:34,484
We could have been eaten!

1379
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:37,984
Why you laughing, Guy?

1380
00:59:39,201 --> 00:59:42,035
Fellas, you are thinking
about this all wrong, eh?

1381
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:45,997
These guys?
They impersonated officers.

1382
00:59:47,375 --> 00:59:49,867
There is no way they're
holding onto their jobs.

1383
00:59:50,045 --> 00:59:51,161
And I'll do you one better.

1384
00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:55,374
When I get done talking to my
good friend Justin Trudeau...

1385
00:59:55,550 --> 00:59:56,882
Eh, the Prime Minister!

1386
00:59:57,052 --> 00:59:58,634
...I bet you this
whole turnover thing

1387
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,507
- goes right out the window.
- Boom!

1388
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:03,556
So, boys, unpack your bags,
revive those cable bundles,

1389
01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,432
'cause you are
not going anywhere.

1390
01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:07,389
I say we celebrate. What are
we having for breakfast?

1391
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:09,599
- Pancake.
- Pancake, yeah?

1392
01:00:09,773 --> 01:00:11,309
All right.
Oatmeal and raisins it is.

1393
01:00:11,399 --> 01:00:13,311
- Oh.
- Kidding. It's pancakes.

1394
01:00:13,485 --> 01:00:16,193
Eh, pancake! Maybe two eggs
side by each, eh?

1395
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,604
I don't want this oatmeal.

1396
01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:19,609
Put the raisins
inside the pancake.

1397
01:00:20,742 --> 01:00:22,199
Genevieve, wait.

1398
01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:23,985
You brought this
on yourselves.

1399
01:00:24,454 --> 01:00:25,786
They put a bear...

1400
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,574
This is bad, fellas.

1401
01:00:30,418 --> 01:00:32,660
This is "Fred Savage
Ride-Along Incident" bad.

1402
01:00:33,213 --> 01:00:34,704
Tell that to Fred Savage.

1403
01:00:34,881 --> 01:00:37,168
Well, no sense in having
good breakfast go to waste.

1404
01:00:37,342 --> 01:00:38,549
- I've lost my appetite.
- Sorry, man,

1405
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:40,126
- I'm just not hungry.
- Do you know... I mean...

1406
01:00:40,220 --> 01:00:42,212
You try to do something
nice for people,

1407
01:00:42,305 --> 01:00:44,547
and then it just...
I just... you know.

1408
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,932
What's the point?

1409
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:51,309
Stop taking female hormones!

1410
01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:53,890
<i>♪ Making money,
making dollars, making money... ♪</i>

1411
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:55,350
Can we
please come in, Cap?

1412
01:00:55,443 --> 01:00:56,900
He's taking years off my life.

1413
01:00:56,987 --> 01:00:59,104
<i>Just the bad years.</i>

1414
01:00:59,281 --> 01:01:01,318
I'm serious, Cap. I'm about
to snap like a dry twig.

1415
01:01:01,408 --> 01:01:03,946
<i>Things are still
pretty dicey here. Best keep Farva away.</i>

1416
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:06,236
<i>We'll let you know
when the coast is clear.</i>

1417
01:01:09,457 --> 01:01:11,449
Have you heard the new Kanye?

1418
01:01:11,710 --> 01:01:14,248
He's not just about big butts!
He's a really good singer.

1419
01:01:15,797 --> 01:01:18,540
This is great.
It's like being on the road again.

1420
01:01:19,301 --> 01:01:21,088
I like to chew mint gum
when I'm on the road.

1421
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:23,006
When I'm radio, it's fruit.

1422
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:26,093
You know, like Juicy Fruit,
Bubblicious, Hubba Bubba.

1423
01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:27,347
Anything fruity.

1424
01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:29,092
On the road,
I like mint, though.

1425
01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:30,927
Mint, mint, mint, mint,
mint, mint, mint, mint, mint.

1426
01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:33,475
And Beech-Nut,
have you tried that?

1427
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:35,056
They should call it
"Beech-Not!"

1428
01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:37,020
Oh, shit, I'm gonna
write that down.

1429
01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:38,858
What kind of gum do you chew?

1430
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:40,986
They should make
a black mint gum.

1431
01:01:41,823 --> 01:01:42,859
That would be choice.

1432
01:01:43,033 --> 01:01:44,899
They could call it
"Minty Black."

1433
01:01:45,285 --> 01:01:46,571
Yeah, I'm gonna
write that down too.

1434
01:01:46,745 --> 01:01:48,407
- No one would buy that.
- What?

1435
01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:49,912
No one would buy
that stupid gum.

1436
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:55,747
Bullshit.

1437
01:01:55,837 --> 01:01:57,749
They'd buy it
if it was on <i>Friends.</i>

1438
01:01:57,839 --> 01:01:59,046
Like if Ross
or Rachel chewed it,

1439
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:00,213
it'd sell like hotcakes.

1440
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:01,919
Are you a mutant?
You follow me out here

1441
01:02:02,010 --> 01:02:03,501
while I'm pissing
just to tell me this shit?

1442
01:02:03,595 --> 01:02:04,585
Quit looking at my dick.

1443
01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:06,295
I'm not looking at you dick.
We're taking a piss.

1444
01:02:06,473 --> 01:02:08,009
- So, piss.
- I don't have to go.

1445
01:02:10,685 --> 01:02:12,597
I'll fuck that Canadian
right in his back bacon!

1446
01:02:12,687 --> 01:02:13,677
Rod!

1447
01:02:17,359 --> 01:02:19,146
- Yeah!
- Farva!

1448
01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:21,227
Farva!

1449
01:02:22,364 --> 01:02:23,354
Farva!

1450
01:02:27,827 --> 01:02:29,159
Dumb fuck.

1451
01:02:34,376 --> 01:02:35,412
Unbelievable.

1452
01:02:36,378 --> 01:02:38,415
Who pops an airbag?

1453
01:02:38,505 --> 01:02:39,495
God. You weigh...

1454
01:02:39,673 --> 01:02:40,663
Fuck.

1455
01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:45,835
You gotta be shitting me.
Don't die on me, Farva.

1456
01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:49,134
Okay. You can do it.

1457
01:03:05,282 --> 01:03:06,318
Oh! Fuck!

1458
01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:07,898
From upside down,

1459
01:03:07,993 --> 01:03:09,950
your mustache looks
like a big hairy smile.

1460
01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:11,152
Why would you
give me the Shocker?

1461
01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:13,701
My way of saying,
"Thanks, honey. You saved my life."

1462
01:03:14,249 --> 01:03:15,990
I was dead. I went to heaven.

1463
01:03:16,251 --> 01:03:17,412
And you were there.

1464
01:03:17,585 --> 01:03:19,622
- You know what you were doing?
- What?

1465
01:03:20,046 --> 01:03:22,538
Trying to make out with me,
sweetheart! I'm on to you.

1466
01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:25,420
Come here.
Give me some more of that.

1467
01:03:26,636 --> 01:03:27,717
What the hell is that?

1468
01:03:34,602 --> 01:03:36,389
Well, hello, Laverne!

1469
01:03:37,355 --> 01:03:38,471
Looks like the same stuff.

1470
01:03:38,648 --> 01:03:40,560
Yeah, but a shit-ton
more of it.

1471
01:03:42,610 --> 01:03:44,146
Holy Hindu holidays.

1472
01:03:44,571 --> 01:03:45,903
There's a new guest
at the party.

1473
01:03:47,115 --> 01:03:48,822
AK-47s.

1474
01:03:53,371 --> 01:03:54,452
Hey.

1475
01:03:54,539 --> 01:03:56,030
No, I don't want to hear it, Rabbit.

1476
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:57,789
Genevieve, could I just explain?

1477
01:03:57,959 --> 01:03:59,450
There is nothing to explain.

1478
01:03:59,627 --> 01:04:01,243
They put bears in our station.

1479
01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:02,454
This is Canada!

1480
01:04:02,630 --> 01:04:04,212
There are bears everywhere.

1481
01:04:04,382 --> 01:04:05,543
There are bears that go through

1482
01:04:05,633 --> 01:04:06,714
my garbage every night.

1483
01:04:06,885 --> 01:04:09,468
I have cereal
with bears in it: Bearios.

1484
01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:11,466
Canada's most popular breakfast.

1485
01:04:11,639 --> 01:04:12,800
Someone say "Bearios"?

1486
01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:15,883
Hey there, Genny.
Wanna grab some eats?

1487
01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:17,217
No, thanks.

1488
01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:20,851
Turn that into a maybe
and I'll have your baby.

1489
01:04:22,942 --> 01:04:24,478
Lonnie Laloush?

1490
01:04:24,652 --> 01:04:27,110
That's mon nom.
Don't wear it out, eh?

1491
01:04:27,447 --> 01:04:29,905
You want a hot coffee?
I'm pouring.

1492
01:04:29,991 --> 01:04:31,323
Oui, s'il te plait.

1493
01:04:32,077 --> 01:04:33,739
Seems like a real
"dickwa-duh," huh?

1494
01:04:33,912 --> 01:04:36,950
I told everyone
how wonderful you all are.

1495
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:40,241
Well, you're not.
You have bad hearts.

1496
01:04:40,418 --> 01:04:41,625
Who wants crème fraiche?

1497
01:04:42,629 --> 01:04:43,710
Nobody?

1498
01:04:45,215 --> 01:04:47,081
Okay, no crème fraiche!

1499
01:04:48,343 --> 01:04:49,959
- Please just go.
- Genevieve...

1500
01:04:50,136 --> 01:04:51,217
Just go.

1501
01:05:01,064 --> 01:05:04,102
They're actually AK-48s.
Illegal in the U.S.

1502
01:05:04,401 --> 01:05:05,391
Why 48?

1503
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:08,436
Because they hold
one extra bullet.

1504
01:05:08,613 --> 01:05:09,603
Yeah, sure. You never know

1505
01:05:09,697 --> 01:05:10,938
when you're gonna
need just one more.

1506
01:05:11,116 --> 01:05:12,197
This one says "Tiger Penis."

1507
01:05:12,325 --> 01:05:13,315
Suck it!

1508
01:05:13,410 --> 01:05:14,651
Shut up, Farva.

1509
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:15,905
The Chinese use it
to get hard-ons.

1510
01:05:15,995 --> 01:05:17,327
I tried to get it once.
You can't buy it

1511
01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:18,746
in the United States.

1512
01:05:21,209 --> 01:05:22,825
Dude, what's up
with your mustache?

1513
01:05:22,919 --> 01:05:23,909
Nothing.

1514
01:05:26,297 --> 01:05:28,038
Are you wearing
a mustache wig?

1515
01:05:28,216 --> 01:05:30,173
It's a postiche, okay?
I'm having a little hair loss.

1516
01:05:30,343 --> 01:05:31,333
Don't worry about it.

1517
01:05:31,428 --> 01:05:33,135
Worry about your
own goddamn mustache.

1518
01:05:33,471 --> 01:05:34,757
Fuckin' asshole.

1519
01:05:34,931 --> 01:05:36,672
Mac tell you guys
about our little moment?

1520
01:05:36,766 --> 01:05:38,553
Did you, Mac and Cheese?

1521
01:05:38,726 --> 01:05:40,638
You told us, Farva.
I don't want to hear it again.

1522
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,348
I'm the Cheese.

1523
01:05:42,439 --> 01:05:43,429
All right, look, guys.

1524
01:05:43,523 --> 01:05:44,809
I know we're
in some serious shit here,

1525
01:05:44,899 --> 01:05:46,015
but if we can crack this case,

1526
01:05:46,192 --> 01:05:47,399
we might just be able to get

1527
01:05:47,485 --> 01:05:48,521
beyond this
whole Mountie thing.

1528
01:05:48,695 --> 01:05:49,936
We didn't do anything.

1529
01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:51,354
Foster, we kidnapped and impersonated

1530
01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:52,655
officers of a sovereign nation.

1531
01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:54,315
Right.

1532
01:05:54,492 --> 01:05:57,451
Cuban cigars, Canadian pills,
counterfeit cell phones,

1533
01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:58,948
AK-48s and Tiger Penis.

1534
01:05:59,122 --> 01:06:00,112
What's the link?

1535
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:03,453
All this stuff is
more valuable in the U.S.

1536
01:06:03,543 --> 01:06:04,533
than in Canada.

1537
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:05,952
So, it's a smuggling operation.

1538
01:06:06,045 --> 01:06:07,752
Someone is trying to move
this shit over the border.

1539
01:06:07,839 --> 01:06:08,829
No, they're not.

1540
01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:11,256
Think about it.
This stuff is just sitting

1541
01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:12,628
here on Canadian land.
Yeah. Okay.

1542
01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:14,839
But what happens
when this Canadian land

1543
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:16,465
becomes American land?

1544
01:06:16,639 --> 01:06:20,053
No need to move it at all.
It's already on U.S. soil.

1545
01:06:20,226 --> 01:06:21,637
Exactly, huh?

1546
01:06:21,728 --> 01:06:24,311
Passive smuggling.
It's my kind of crime.

1547
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:26,848
So, they must have this shit
stashed all along the border.

1548
01:06:27,025 --> 01:06:28,391
Yeah. But who is "they"?

1549
01:06:28,568 --> 01:06:30,059
Who "are" they?

1550
01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:31,317
Look, I said this earlier

1551
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:32,394
and you guys laughed at me.

1552
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:35,940
But I think it's the Mounties.
They are shit people. Okay?

1553
01:06:36,117 --> 01:06:37,904
And they smoke Cubans cigars.
We've seen that.

1554
01:06:38,077 --> 01:06:39,784
They're getting transferred
to God knows where.

1555
01:06:39,871 --> 01:06:40,952
What do they have to lose?

1556
01:06:41,122 --> 01:06:44,286
I am starting to agree with
Sherlock McSerpico over here.

1557
01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:46,454
Ooh!

1558
01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:47,534
I'm telling you, fellas.

1559
01:06:47,629 --> 01:06:49,541
In my experience,
it's always the local cops.

1560
01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:51,713
What would you guys give me
if I kill that bird?

1561
01:06:51,799 --> 01:06:52,960
Farva, that's a bald eagle!

1562
01:06:53,134 --> 01:06:54,250
Get a wig, baldy!

1563
01:06:57,305 --> 01:06:58,887
Yeah!

1564
01:06:58,973 --> 01:07:00,305
Put the goddamn gun down.

1565
01:07:00,475 --> 01:07:02,512
What?

1566
01:07:02,602 --> 01:07:04,935
Oh, booyah!
Guys, what do I win?

1567
01:07:05,104 --> 01:07:06,891
A one-way ticket to hell.

1568
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,357
This place wishes
it was Shenanigans.

1569
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:15,817
Welcome to Chicanery's, eh!

1570
01:07:16,574 --> 01:07:17,564
Can I get you a booth?

1571
01:07:17,742 --> 01:07:19,859
Uh, no. We're meeting
somebody here.

1572
01:07:20,036 --> 01:07:21,072
Oh, yeah, there he is.

1573
01:07:21,246 --> 01:07:23,158
<i>♪ I'll pay the rent ♪</i>

1574
01:07:23,790 --> 01:07:26,703
<i>♪ God knows I've done you wrong... ♪</i>

1575
01:07:26,793 --> 01:07:28,659
Chief, we've been
looking all over for you.

1576
01:07:28,753 --> 01:07:30,415
- Cap. Cap.
- Cap, I think we've figured it out!

1577
01:07:30,505 --> 01:07:31,712
Chief. I think we cracked the thing.

1578
01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:32,959
- What are you doing?
- I'm just...

1579
01:07:33,049 --> 01:07:35,166
What are you doing?
I've been waiting here for an hour.

1580
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:37,001
- You're gonna want to know this.
- This is my song.

1581
01:07:37,095 --> 01:07:39,803
- I know, but listen. I think...
- I'm singing here. Sit the fuck down.

1582
01:07:39,889 --> 01:07:41,346
- No, no, no.
- I'm singing here.

1583
01:07:41,432 --> 01:07:43,048
I'm singing here.
Sit the fuck down!

1584
01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:51,148
<i>♪ Bill Bailey,
won't you please come home... ♪</i>

1585
01:07:51,693 --> 01:07:53,059
What can I get for you guys?

1586
01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:55,269
Maybe a cold beer?
Liter of cola?

1587
01:07:55,655 --> 01:07:56,645
What did you say?

1588
01:07:56,906 --> 01:07:57,896
Do you want a liter of cola?

1589
01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,360
You have that here?

1590
01:07:59,534 --> 01:08:00,900
Yeah, we got
the Decaliter Delight.

1591
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:03,114
You get a punch card,
you rack up ten liters of cola,

1592
01:08:03,204 --> 01:08:04,194
get yourself a free dessert.

1593
01:08:04,414 --> 01:08:06,030
Bring them all.
Bring them all right now.

1594
01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:08,911
Bring all ten liters
and the punch card.

1595
01:08:09,002 --> 01:08:10,038
I want it all right now.

1596
01:08:12,213 --> 01:08:13,203
Come on.

1597
01:08:13,298 --> 01:08:14,880
Canada is pretty awesome.

1598
01:08:14,966 --> 01:08:17,128
- Boop boop.
- Uh, don't do that.

1599
01:08:17,218 --> 01:08:19,631
- Boop beep boo boop beep.
- Cut the crap.

1600
01:08:26,352 --> 01:08:28,389
Genevieve?

1601
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:31,563
I feel terrible
about what I said to you.

1602
01:08:31,733 --> 01:08:33,770
I know I overreacted.

1603
01:08:34,027 --> 01:08:37,270
It's just the town is so upset
about the turnover.

1604
01:08:37,363 --> 01:08:38,353
Sure.

1605
01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:40,280
Anyway,
you are not a bad person,

1606
01:08:40,366 --> 01:08:42,232
even if you are American.

1607
01:08:43,745 --> 01:08:45,361
Well, I've actually been
working on that for you.

1608
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:46,445
- For me?
- Yeah.

1609
01:08:46,623 --> 01:08:48,489
Moosehead. Canadian beer.

1610
01:08:49,167 --> 01:08:51,159
Beaver chili. Très canadien.

1611
01:08:52,462 --> 01:08:54,454
And I've been working
on my French too.

1612
01:08:57,300 --> 01:08:59,462
Oh, I love this song!

1613
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:03,595
Oh, it reminds me of summers
on Étang de la Soupe Aux Pois.

1614
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:21,317
Wow! That's very good.

1615
01:09:21,407 --> 01:09:24,445
Oh, I wouldn't say that, but
I don't even know what it means.

1616
01:09:24,619 --> 01:09:28,158
It's a sad song about
the Nazi Occupation of France.

1617
01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:30,698
Oh.

1618
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:32,116
I'm sorry. I...

1619
01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:33,409
No. No, no.

1620
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,043
It's about two lovers

1621
01:09:35,129 --> 01:09:37,837
trapped in a war that neither wanted,

1622
01:09:38,549 --> 01:09:41,337
but they love each other anyway.

1623
01:09:42,053 --> 01:09:43,169
Oh.

1624
01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:45,424
So much better.

1625
01:09:58,486 --> 01:09:59,977
- Is this really happening?
- Oh, yes.

1626
01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:02,897
I love it.

1627
01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:05,740
Wait, wait, wait.

1628
01:10:05,827 --> 01:10:07,534
- Where is the fat one's desk?
- Right there.

1629
01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:08,694
Okay.

1630
01:10:08,913 --> 01:10:10,154
You don't know his name?

1631
01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:11,788
Flarvla.

1632
01:10:11,874 --> 01:10:13,536
I smell a new nickname.

1633
01:10:14,419 --> 01:10:15,876
Guess we hurry.

1634
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:24,797
Passive smuggling?
It's brilliant.

1635
01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:25,923
And it's gotta be the Mounties.

1636
01:10:26,013 --> 01:10:27,003
Why?

1637
01:10:27,098 --> 01:10:28,555
'Cause it's always the local cops.

1638
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:29,881
Here's your punch card.

1639
01:10:32,270 --> 01:10:34,182
Five, six, seven, eight.

1640
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,806
Number nine. This is ten.

1641
01:10:36,983 --> 01:10:39,350
Technically, you have to drink
all ten to get the dessert.

1642
01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:40,517
Oh, you challenging me?

1643
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:41,897
This will be gone
in three seconds.

1644
01:10:42,071 --> 01:10:43,733
I'll have
the butter tart yule log.

1645
01:10:43,823 --> 01:10:45,405
Come on. Chop-chop!

1646
01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:47,483
Just do it, dude.

1647
01:10:49,954 --> 01:10:51,240
Canada!

1648
01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:52,700
And the beauty is,

1649
01:10:52,790 --> 01:10:54,531
there's nothing they can do
with all that contraband

1650
01:10:54,625 --> 01:10:56,241
until this land becomes America.

1651
01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:58,752
So all we have to do
is push back the turnover,

1652
01:10:58,838 --> 01:11:00,545
until we can find
the rest of the stuff.

1653
01:11:00,631 --> 01:11:01,747
Well, you heard LeFranc.

1654
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,753
Who knows what's gonna happen
with the turnover?

1655
01:11:03,926 --> 01:11:06,339
Whatever happens,
we gotta solve this case. Now.

1656
01:11:07,138 --> 01:11:09,004
Let's take another look
at that contraband.

1657
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:10,680
We may have missed something.

1658
01:11:11,434 --> 01:11:13,926
Hold on! I didn't
get my free dessert.

1659
01:11:14,020 --> 01:11:15,010
Move it, Farva!

1660
01:11:15,104 --> 01:11:17,016
Come on! It's a fuckin'
butter tart yule log!

1661
01:11:17,190 --> 01:11:18,806
Let's go! Now!

1662
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:20,436
Damn it.

1663
01:11:22,945 --> 01:11:24,686
Oh! Whoa! Watch it, pal.

1664
01:11:24,864 --> 01:11:26,776
Walk faster, finger blaster.

1665
01:11:37,668 --> 01:11:39,625
Son of a... Rabbit!

1666
01:11:40,797 --> 01:11:42,629
Whoa!
The booty is gone!

1667
01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:44,040
Did they take
the Flova Scotia?

1668
01:11:45,218 --> 01:11:46,834
In addition to Rabbit!

1669
01:11:47,678 --> 01:11:49,761
Hold your bones. Rabbit's car.

1670
01:11:49,931 --> 01:11:51,763
The dash cam! Look at this.

1671
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:53,299
Ooh, you clever little prick, you.

1672
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:54,933
Prick? I'm tired
of these putdowns!

1673
01:11:55,102 --> 01:11:56,388
It's a compliment, shithead.

1674
01:11:56,562 --> 01:11:58,770
Fuck you,
midget Burt Reynolds.

1675
01:12:00,775 --> 01:12:02,562
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.

1676
01:12:04,028 --> 01:12:05,985
Oh, a little ménage à two.

1677
01:12:06,072 --> 01:12:07,608
Mm.

1678
01:12:08,699 --> 01:12:10,235
- Ah.
- Yeah, partner.

1679
01:12:12,370 --> 01:12:14,578
Can you believe she picked
Donnie Osmond over me?

1680
01:12:14,664 --> 01:12:16,451
- Yes.
- Is anyone else shocked here?

1681
01:12:16,624 --> 01:12:17,910
- No.
- And on my desk?

1682
01:12:18,084 --> 01:12:20,292
Shut up, Farva.
This is serious.

1683
01:12:20,378 --> 01:12:22,165
- Whoa!
- What the fuck?

1684
01:12:22,338 --> 01:12:23,795
Now how are we
gonna find them?

1685
01:12:23,965 --> 01:12:26,298
All those iPhones had the same number.

1686
01:12:26,467 --> 01:12:28,379
Now, if we only had a triangulator,

1687
01:12:28,469 --> 01:12:29,505
we could locate them.

1688
01:12:30,930 --> 01:12:33,263
Aha! Take that, you bastards.

1689
01:12:33,808 --> 01:12:35,515
Those are the phones
right there.

1690
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:36,637
Enhance.

1691
01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:39,306
All right,
but what is this place?

1692
01:12:39,397 --> 01:12:40,387
Enhance.

1693
01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:44,228
- Enhance.
- Okay, okay.

1694
01:12:44,402 --> 01:12:46,268
"Sciere de la Vache."

1695
01:12:46,445 --> 01:12:48,357
All right, you guys speak
French, what does that mean?

1696
01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:51,948
I don't know what "sciere" means

1697
01:12:52,034 --> 01:12:53,900
and I also don't know
what "vache" means.

1698
01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:56,161
So you really
don't understand anything?

1699
01:12:56,330 --> 01:12:57,662
Sciere de la Vache?

1700
01:12:57,748 --> 01:13:00,206
I believe it's
"The Scary Vase."

1701
01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:02,618
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see, sciere is "beetle."

1702
01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:04,707
Beetle vase. No. Yes.

1703
01:13:04,881 --> 01:13:08,045
Yeah. But la vache is "angry."
"Angry Beetle."

1704
01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:09,833
- Okay.
- Yeah. Angry Beetle, we think.

1705
01:13:10,011 --> 01:13:12,754
It's "The Sawmill of the Cow,"
you idiots!

1706
01:13:12,930 --> 01:13:14,421
It's a sawmill!

1707
01:13:14,724 --> 01:13:17,216
- Why "Sawmill of the Cow"?
- It doesn't make any sense.

1708
01:13:17,518 --> 01:13:19,555
Let's go and give those
Canuckleheads

1709
01:13:19,645 --> 01:13:21,682
a good old-fashioned
red-white-and-blue,

1710
01:13:21,856 --> 01:13:23,142
fist-fucking!

1711
01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:24,393
Yeah! Let's do it!

1712
01:13:26,444 --> 01:13:27,560
Shotgun! Shotgun! Shotgun!

1713
01:13:27,945 --> 01:13:28,935
Whoa!

1714
01:13:29,363 --> 01:13:30,479
Shit.

1715
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:32,189
<i>♪ You didn't want to scratch ♪</i>

1716
01:13:32,283 --> 01:13:33,399
<i>♪ But then you got the itch ♪</i>

1717
01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:36,326
<i>♪ You know you're always paying for
the shit that's free, it's not easy... ♪</i>

1718
01:13:37,204 --> 01:13:39,537
Hey, pull over.
I gotta take a pee-ahs.

1719
01:13:39,707 --> 01:13:40,993
Shouldn't have drank
all that soda.

1720
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,621
<i>♪ I tried to make it easy,
never stop the flow... ♪</i>

1721
01:13:43,711 --> 01:13:44,792
It just now occurred to me,

1722
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,461
you and I have never been
alone together before.

1723
01:13:46,547 --> 01:13:48,038
Yeah, thank God.

1724
01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:51,583
Seriously. Have we ever had
a one-on-one conversation?

1725
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,794
Why would we?
You seem like a pretty boring dude.

1726
01:13:55,556 --> 01:13:57,468
You still banging
that blonde cop, or...

1727
01:13:58,309 --> 01:14:01,177
<i>♪ You say you want to finish,
but you never start ♪</i>

1728
01:14:01,270 --> 01:14:04,013
<i>♪ You want to get it finished,
but you just try hard... ♪</i>

1729
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:05,096
Where the hell are they going?

1730
01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:07,934
<i>♪ It don't take nothing fancy,
it's just ABC's... ♪</i>

1731
01:14:08,152 --> 01:14:09,393
That was the turn, back there.

1732
01:14:10,321 --> 01:14:12,187
Are you sure?
I... I don't think so.

1733
01:14:12,365 --> 01:14:14,322
Have you completely lost
your sense of direction?

1734
01:14:14,492 --> 01:14:16,575
Well, your yelling at me
certainly doesn't help!

1735
01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:18,118
Cap's right, though.
That was the turn.

1736
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:19,778
Shut up, Mr. Perfect.

1737
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:23,123
Whoa!

1738
01:14:23,209 --> 01:14:24,745
<i>♪ That it's easier without complexity ♪</i>

1739
01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:27,828
<i>♪ Too broke to pay attention,
better get you some ♪</i>

1740
01:14:27,922 --> 01:14:31,040
<i>♪ When trouble's up
I double up on bubble gum ♪</i>

1741
01:14:35,846 --> 01:14:38,179
<i>♪...without complexity ♪</i>

1742
01:14:38,265 --> 01:14:39,881
<i>♪ You want the good stuff ♪</i>

1743
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:41,433
<i>- ♪ You want the big hit... ♪</i>
- I saw that!

1744
01:14:41,602 --> 01:14:43,764
- Where are those female sex pills?
- Cap!

1745
01:14:43,854 --> 01:14:45,220
Give them to me!
Give them to me!

1746
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,977
<i>♪ But if you close your eyes,
then you won't see ♪</i>

1747
01:14:48,067 --> 01:14:51,151
<i>♪ That it's easier without complexity ♪♪</i>

1748
01:14:51,904 --> 01:14:52,894
Thank you.

1749
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:09,832
No sign of Rabbit.

1750
01:15:10,006 --> 01:15:11,622
But I got two Mountie cars

1751
01:15:12,508 --> 01:15:14,750
and our contraband.

1752
01:15:15,386 --> 01:15:16,467
Where the hell is Farva?

1753
01:15:18,723 --> 01:15:20,385
Ah. I got him.

1754
01:15:23,102 --> 01:15:25,389
He's like a walking
hydrothermal explosion.

1755
01:15:26,188 --> 01:15:28,350
You want to see
some fartography?

1756
01:15:30,526 --> 01:15:31,607
I'm still gonna go back

1757
01:15:31,694 --> 01:15:33,105
and get that
butter tart yule log.

1758
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:36,943
All right, boys.
Let's milk this cow.

1759
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:45,906
I moved this stuff the last time.

1760
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:47,536
I don't want to lift it either.

1761
01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,791
You don't move anything.

1762
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:51,078
You don't move your body,
you don't move boxes.

1763
01:15:53,049 --> 01:15:54,381
One, two, three, go!

1764
01:15:59,055 --> 01:16:00,216
Freeze! You're under arrest!

1765
01:16:00,389 --> 01:16:02,426
Bullshit, eh!
You're under arrest!

1766
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:03,841
Bullshit, you fucking smugglers!

1767
01:16:03,934 --> 01:16:05,721
We're not the smugglers!
You're the fucking smugglers.

1768
01:16:05,811 --> 01:16:06,972
We're not
the fucking smugglers!

1769
01:16:07,063 --> 01:16:08,053
You're the fucking smugglers!

1770
01:16:08,147 --> 01:16:09,433
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

1771
01:16:09,523 --> 01:16:11,264
Everyone, lower your weapons!

1772
01:16:11,442 --> 01:16:12,478
Something is not right.

1773
01:16:12,651 --> 01:16:15,564
Wait, wait, wait.
The old-timey one is right.

1774
01:16:15,738 --> 01:16:17,525
Something doesn't add up here.

1775
01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,154
- Oh, shit!
- Die, you fucking smuggler!

1776
01:16:22,328 --> 01:16:23,489
Farva, you idiot!

1777
01:16:24,872 --> 01:16:26,738
Put the gun down!
Put the gun down!

1778
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:28,248
Fuck you. Fuck you.

1779
01:16:28,334 --> 01:16:29,324
Put down the fuckin' gun!

1780
01:16:29,418 --> 01:16:31,375
Drop the gun,
I don't want to shoot!

1781
01:16:31,545 --> 01:16:32,911
You fuckin' Canadians!

1782
01:16:33,005 --> 01:16:33,995
Cool.

1783
01:16:35,549 --> 01:16:36,881
What the fuck
are you guys doing?

1784
01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:42,884
Blinded by the light

1785
01:16:42,973 --> 01:16:43,963
Apropos, right?

1786
01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:45,928
Go on, kill each other.

1787
01:16:46,268 --> 01:16:47,258
What ever happened to

1788
01:16:47,353 --> 01:16:48,935
"Shoot first
and ask questions later"?

1789
01:16:49,355 --> 01:16:51,267
Uh, what the shit, Guy?
Why you tell us

1790
01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:52,848
these guys are
the smuggler, huh?

1791
01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,357
Well, it's a lot smarter
than telling you

1792
01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:55,433
that I'm the smuggler.

1793
01:16:55,861 --> 01:16:57,898
What do you mean,
you're the smuggler?

1794
01:16:58,072 --> 01:17:00,530
I'm sorry, but what else
was I gonna do?

1795
01:17:00,699 --> 01:17:02,816
Being the mayor
of a small Canadian town

1796
01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:04,151
sounds romantic and cool.

1797
01:17:04,328 --> 01:17:06,035
Being the mayor
of a small American town

1798
01:17:06,122 --> 01:17:08,455
sounds like you're a loser.
For reals.

1799
01:17:08,541 --> 01:17:09,998
You gotta admit

1800
01:17:10,084 --> 01:17:12,542
it's a good scam.
All along the borderline.

1801
01:17:12,711 --> 01:17:13,997
But I never would've
thought that

1802
01:17:14,088 --> 01:17:16,045
the guys from
the Fred Savage incident

1803
01:17:16,215 --> 01:17:17,956
would be the ones
to trip me up.

1804
01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:19,841
These are the cops
that killed Fred Savage?

1805
01:17:19,927 --> 01:17:20,917
Sadly.

1806
01:17:21,345 --> 01:17:25,806
But I will say this little
rivalry between police forces,

1807
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:27,932
is the perfect opportunity
to take you both out.

1808
01:17:28,102 --> 01:17:29,468
Well, now we're taking you in.

1809
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:30,973
I'm sorry.

1810
01:17:31,063 --> 01:17:32,520
But that's not the way
it's going to go.

1811
01:17:33,232 --> 01:17:35,019
Henri, if you would be so kind.

1812
01:17:36,902 --> 01:17:38,564
- No!
- Oh, Jesus.

1813
01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:40,103
- Holy shit!
- And do pay attention

1814
01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:41,187
to that man
behind the curtain.

1815
01:17:46,370 --> 01:17:47,577
Your Rabbit
wasn't quick enough.

1816
01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,955
Maybe next time,
he'll hop a little faster, eh?

1817
01:17:50,124 --> 01:17:51,240
If anything happens to him,

1818
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:53,199
I'm gonna fuck you
six ways to Sunday!

1819
01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:56,916
Jeez Louise. Now I know who
gobbled all my Flova Scotia.

1820
01:17:59,008 --> 01:18:00,419
So, drop your guns,

1821
01:18:00,676 --> 01:18:02,508
or the Rabbit
and his girlfriend

1822
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:06,134
will multiply
in gruesome fashion.

1823
01:18:06,640 --> 01:18:07,630
I'm so sorry.

1824
01:18:11,270 --> 01:18:12,977
Let her go, Guy. She has
nothing to do with this!

1825
01:18:13,147 --> 01:18:15,810
If they put their guns down,
no harm will come to her.

1826
01:18:19,486 --> 01:18:20,476
Go on. Drop them.

1827
01:18:21,655 --> 01:18:23,442
Drop your guns.
Drop it.

1828
01:18:27,411 --> 01:18:28,947
Now get those hands in the air.

1829
01:18:29,788 --> 01:18:30,778
Like you just don't care.

1830
01:18:33,375 --> 01:18:34,786
So, are you ready...

1831
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:39,875
for the big twist?

1832
01:18:48,682 --> 01:18:50,469
What the fuck?

1833
01:18:52,144 --> 01:18:54,056
What are you doing? What?

1834
01:18:55,147 --> 01:18:56,763
Shut the front door!

1835
01:18:56,941 --> 01:18:58,057
Genevieve.

1836
01:18:59,068 --> 01:19:00,058
What the hell
is going on here?

1837
01:19:00,527 --> 01:19:01,688
Let me go.
Let me out of my chains.

1838
01:19:02,196 --> 01:19:04,358
What the fuck
took you so long, Guy?

1839
01:19:04,698 --> 01:19:07,031
First I have to have
his circumcised dick in me

1840
01:19:07,201 --> 01:19:08,783
and then you tie me
to this log?

1841
01:19:08,953 --> 01:19:12,242
<i>Sorry, my dear. Had to keep up appearances.</i>

1842
01:19:12,790 --> 01:19:15,077
<i>I can still smell the American on me.</i>

1843
01:19:15,334 --> 01:19:18,122
<i>Smells like... hot dog water.</i>

1844
01:19:18,587 --> 01:19:20,044
Are you fucking kidding me?

1845
01:19:22,841 --> 01:19:23,831
I hate you!

1846
01:19:24,218 --> 01:19:25,208
I hate you.

1847
01:19:25,344 --> 01:19:26,334
Shoot them.

1848
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:29,254
Shoot them all.

1849
01:19:29,431 --> 01:19:30,638
With pleasure, boss.

1850
01:19:31,892 --> 01:19:32,928
Hold on!

1851
01:19:33,102 --> 01:19:36,436
If I'm going down,
I'm going down American!

1852
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:41,141
<i>♪ Oh say can you sing ♪</i>

1853
01:19:41,318 --> 01:19:44,561
<i>♪ By the dawn's early fight ♪</i>

1854
01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:48,861
<i>♪ What so loudly we sail ♪</i>

1855
01:19:49,326 --> 01:19:52,694
<i>♪ At the nightlife on the street ♪</i>

1856
01:19:53,122 --> 01:19:56,536
<i>♪ And the red rocking chair ♪</i>

1857
01:19:57,001 --> 01:20:00,119
<i>♪ The bombs gasping for air ♪</i>

1858
01:20:00,713 --> 01:20:03,706
<i>♪ Gave proof in the life ♪♪</i>

1859
01:20:03,882 --> 01:20:05,589
All right, all right,
enough with that song.

1860
01:20:06,677 --> 01:20:07,667
Shoot them.

1861
01:20:15,936 --> 01:20:17,518
Hurry, it's about
to slice my johnson!

1862
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:22,481
<i>♪ It's going real fast... ♪</i>

1863
01:20:22,568 --> 01:20:23,558
This is not happening.

1864
01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:25,268
<i>♪ And you got it right now,
but I don't see it ♪</i>

1865
01:20:28,073 --> 01:20:29,234
<i>♪ Secret plans ♪</i>

1866
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:33,239
<i>♪ Midnight missions,
with emotion, ooh, ooh... ♪</i>

1867
01:20:35,205 --> 01:20:37,492
<i>♪ Midnight missions,
with emotion... ♪</i>

1868
01:20:37,583 --> 01:20:39,540
That was a hell
of a thing to do.

1869
01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:42,043
I guess my maternal
instinct is kicking in.

1870
01:20:42,129 --> 01:20:44,837
<i>♪ I'm really not sure but then
I want it, man, but I don't need it ♪</i>

1871
01:20:46,342 --> 01:20:47,378
What?

1872
01:20:47,551 --> 01:20:48,587
Shoot the cow.

1873
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:49,758
<i>- ♪ Secret plans... ♪</i>
- Ah!

1874
01:20:49,845 --> 01:20:51,177
<i>♪ Midnight missions ♪</i>

1875
01:20:51,263 --> 01:20:54,051
<i>♪ With emotion, ooh, ooh ♪</i>

1876
01:20:54,141 --> 01:20:56,758
<i>♪ Secret plans, midnight missions ♪</i>

1877
01:20:56,852 --> 01:20:58,309
<i>♪ With emotion ♪</i>

1878
01:20:58,395 --> 01:21:00,352
Damn it! I'm out of bullets!

1879
01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:01,929
I got one more!

1880
01:21:02,274 --> 01:21:03,264
Make it count!

1881
01:21:03,359 --> 01:21:06,602
<i>♪ What I want, what I want,
what I want, what I want ♪</i>

1882
01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:10,650
<i>♪ What I want, what I want... ♪</i>

1883
01:21:10,741 --> 01:21:11,902
Oh!

1884
01:21:12,409 --> 01:21:13,399
Ow.

1885
01:21:18,415 --> 01:21:19,906
Gotta love that 48th bullet.

1886
01:21:20,667 --> 01:21:21,657
Drop it! Drop your weapon!

1887
01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:23,459
Come on,
get up from the dirt.

1888
01:21:23,545 --> 01:21:26,379
Come on!
I'm about to get neutered!

1889
01:21:26,465 --> 01:21:27,501
- Hang on!
- I got you. I got you.

1890
01:21:27,591 --> 01:21:29,082
Get me outta here!

1891
01:21:29,510 --> 01:21:31,627
Get me off this!

1892
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:33,086
<i>♪ What I want, what I want... ♪♪</i>

1893
01:21:33,180 --> 01:21:34,170
I don't think so.

1894
01:21:34,264 --> 01:21:38,349
Okay. Now you've lit the fuse
of the Halifax Explosion.

1895
01:21:38,852 --> 01:21:40,388
Yeah. In my day...

1896
01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:42,725
when your big boy teeth came in,

1897
01:21:42,815 --> 01:21:44,226
your hockey coach would pull them out...

1898
01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:46,391
so you wouldn't miss a shift.

1899
01:21:46,485 --> 01:21:47,976
Yeah? In my country,

1900
01:21:48,445 --> 01:21:50,402
we let the Tooth Fairy
deal with that shit.

1901
01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:52,313
You would know all about
fairies, wouldn't you?

1902
01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:54,115
Okay. Let's do this,
moosefucker.

1903
01:21:54,201 --> 01:21:55,282
- Yeah, You want to do it?
- Yeah.

1904
01:21:55,369 --> 01:21:57,235
- Yeah. You wanna go? Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's go. Yeah.

1905
01:21:57,329 --> 01:21:59,195
- You wanna go? You wanna go?
- Yeah. I wanna go.

1906
01:21:59,665 --> 01:22:02,282
Ooh, clip-on.
Little tacky, eh?

1907
01:22:16,932 --> 01:22:18,048
Yeah!

1908
01:22:18,225 --> 01:22:19,557
That's one former
hockey player

1909
01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:20,679
who can shut the puck up!

1910
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:21,884
Right, guys?

1911
01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:25,271
Shit, that was a good line.

1912
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:30,060
Come on, damn it!

1913
01:22:30,154 --> 01:22:32,066
Motherfucker!

1914
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,542
That's great!
That's great!

1915
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,624
What the
hell is wrong with you guys?

1916
01:22:48,797 --> 01:22:50,914
It's like none of you Yanks
ever operated

1917
01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:53,341
an industrial grade
rotary timber saw, eh?

1918
01:22:53,510 --> 01:22:55,126
Hey! What about your accent?

1919
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:59,677
Andrea Spooner,
Ontario Provincial Police.

1920
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:01,216
- What?
- Shut up!

1921
01:23:01,393 --> 01:23:02,383
What?

1922
01:23:12,738 --> 01:23:15,230
Why is the Vermont
Highway Patrol even here?

1923
01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:17,615
I've been undercover
three years.

1924
01:23:17,784 --> 01:23:18,820
Part of a task force

1925
01:23:18,911 --> 01:23:20,277
with the Organized Crime Unit

1926
01:23:20,370 --> 01:23:22,077
of the Ontario
Provincial Police.

1927
01:23:22,247 --> 01:23:23,613
She's down with OPP.

1928
01:23:23,790 --> 01:23:26,658
You assholes just blew
three years of work for me.

1929
01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:29,293
I was this close
to getting their supplier.

1930
01:23:29,379 --> 01:23:30,620
Now I'll never get 'em.

1931
01:23:30,797 --> 01:23:32,880
Well, I'm happy to offer you
full cooperation of our...

1932
01:23:33,050 --> 01:23:34,291
Shut the fuck up!

1933
01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:36,592
Hm.

1934
01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:38,586
- Wow.
- Wow.

1935
01:23:38,764 --> 01:23:40,471
Hey, guys,
do me a solid, eh?

1936
01:23:40,641 --> 01:23:41,802
When you're sweeping up
back there,

1937
01:23:41,892 --> 01:23:42,973
keep an eye out
for my falsies.

1938
01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:45,009
Nah. You're not
going to need teeth

1939
01:23:45,103 --> 01:23:46,139
where you're going, eh.

1940
01:23:46,313 --> 01:23:47,975
You were our hero, Guy.

1941
01:23:48,065 --> 01:23:49,806
A hockey player
who owned a whorehouse.

1942
01:23:49,983 --> 01:23:51,440
And to think
you spent 11 years

1943
01:23:51,527 --> 01:23:52,734
in the Canadiens system.

1944
01:23:52,903 --> 01:23:55,270
Newsy Lalonde would be rolling
in his grave right now.

1945
01:23:55,447 --> 01:23:57,939
You would have fit
in good in Calgary, eh.

1946
01:23:58,033 --> 01:23:59,740
Talk about a bunch of goon.

1947
01:23:59,910 --> 01:24:01,446
Especially
that defenseman Bonchance.

1948
01:24:01,537 --> 01:24:02,573
That guy is the worst.

1949
01:24:02,746 --> 01:24:04,032
What a mucker, that guy, eh?

1950
01:24:04,206 --> 01:24:07,119
No, he end up in the QSPHL
by the time he's 38.

1951
01:24:07,292 --> 01:24:08,783
Boring!

1952
01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:12,124
Easy! Easy!

1953
01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:13,789
Ah! Oh!

1954
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:15,418
There he is!

1955
01:24:15,592 --> 01:24:16,924
They wrapped you
in the Japanese flag.

1956
01:24:19,388 --> 01:24:21,300
Hey, man,
thanks for saving my life.

1957
01:24:21,473 --> 01:24:23,635
I don't know what I would
have done without you.

1958
01:24:23,809 --> 01:24:25,471
Oh, that's okay,
I don't need a hug.

1959
01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:27,180
It's not for you.

1960
01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:31,055
Okay.

1961
01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:35,106
Careful, careful, careful! Ooh! Careful!

1962
01:24:36,530 --> 01:24:38,567
Ooh. Guys. Easy! Careful!

1963
01:24:39,992 --> 01:24:41,824
Dude, are you lactating?

1964
01:24:42,077 --> 01:24:45,912
I'm just doing what my body
tells me to do, okay?

1965
01:24:46,123 --> 01:24:48,035
Okay, Thorn.
You're the tits!

1966
01:24:48,208 --> 01:24:49,574
Good luck with
the wet T-shirt contest.

1967
01:25:05,684 --> 01:25:06,845
Men.

1968
01:25:09,438 --> 01:25:10,428
How ya feelin'?

1969
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:11,517
Oh, it's okay.

1970
01:25:12,441 --> 01:25:14,854
I'm so sorry about saying
"I hate you" back there.

1971
01:25:15,027 --> 01:25:17,064
Yeah. I know.
I'm sorry I lied.

1972
01:25:17,237 --> 01:25:18,569
I just can't believe
I didn't know.

1973
01:25:18,739 --> 01:25:21,356
Well, you were very sweet,
but also very gullible.

1974
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:29,197
Maybe you and I
could get together

1975
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:31,453
and listen to some
old-timey French music...

1976
01:25:32,210 --> 01:25:33,997
when that gets
all healed up.

1977
01:25:34,171 --> 01:25:35,207
Yeah, sure.

1978
01:25:39,092 --> 01:25:40,253
Fuckin' Canadian.

1979
01:25:43,805 --> 01:25:45,216
Give me 50 cc's of morphine,

1980
01:25:45,307 --> 01:25:47,139
- shaving cream and a razor.
- A razor for what?

1981
01:25:47,309 --> 01:25:49,596
To remove the hair from your testicles.
I have to stitch you up.

1982
01:25:49,686 --> 01:25:51,518
What? No.
Why would you need to stitch me up?

1983
01:25:51,605 --> 01:25:52,641
It's like a paper cut.

1984
01:25:52,731 --> 01:25:54,518
All we need to do is get
a little Band-Aid. Hey, guys!

1985
01:25:54,608 --> 01:25:55,849
- Happy trails!
- Guys?

1986
01:25:56,026 --> 01:25:58,814
Looks like the rook is getting
his nuts shaved after all.

1987
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:07,243
- Who wants coffee?
- Sounds good.

1988
01:26:14,002 --> 01:26:15,288
Captain O'Hagan!

1989
01:26:16,922 --> 01:26:19,756
I hear you and your men
did some good work.

1990
01:26:19,925 --> 01:26:22,383
We did.
We caught the smugglers.

1991
01:26:22,469 --> 01:26:23,505
Again.

1992
01:26:26,807 --> 01:26:28,139
What the hell was that?

1993
01:26:29,017 --> 01:26:30,258
Oh, shit.

1994
01:26:33,271 --> 01:26:34,887
Done and done.

1995
01:26:36,692 --> 01:26:39,560
This little piggy cried,
"God damn! That hurt!"

1996
01:26:40,737 --> 01:26:42,273
What the hell happened to you?

1997
01:26:42,364 --> 01:26:44,151
Ah. I just lost a pussy bet.

1998
01:26:44,324 --> 01:26:45,815
If I "toed" ya,
I'd have to kill ya.

1999
01:26:45,909 --> 01:26:47,116
Oh!

2000
01:26:47,202 --> 01:26:48,909
Watch the hoof! Ow!
Watch the hoof!

2001
01:26:50,497 --> 01:26:53,365
Officers!
Cassandra Anne Gacek, Action Five News.

2002
01:26:53,542 --> 01:26:55,329
Given your involvement with this bust

2003
01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:58,253
how does it feel to know
that you are still being replaced?

2004
01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:04,376
You know, when they first arrive,
I am wondering:

2005
01:27:04,678 --> 01:27:06,010
"Who are these people?

2006
01:27:06,096 --> 01:27:07,803
"They come here,
taked our land?"

2007
01:27:08,348 --> 01:27:10,965
But then I have it,
my answer, huh.

2008
01:27:13,687 --> 01:27:16,179
They are heroes.

2009
01:27:16,273 --> 01:27:17,684
Aw!

2010
01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:21,984
These men,
they puted their life on the line for us.

2011
01:27:22,154 --> 01:27:25,443
One of them,
he even saved my life.

2012
01:27:25,615 --> 01:27:28,904
This tan guy here
with the wet tits.

2013
01:27:30,162 --> 01:27:31,243
But we hate Americans!

2014
01:27:31,329 --> 01:27:34,197
I hear you. I hear you.
But I have to tell you,

2015
01:27:34,374 --> 01:27:36,240
if these gentlemen are an example

2016
01:27:36,334 --> 01:27:37,825
of what it means to be American...

2017
01:27:39,087 --> 01:27:42,000
okay... then I am proud
to be an American too.

2018
01:27:42,174 --> 01:27:44,336
- All right.
- I am. I'm proud to be American.

2019
01:27:45,260 --> 01:27:47,297
So, we're leaving
to start our station up north,

2020
01:27:47,471 --> 01:27:50,054
but I say with great confidence
that we couldn't leave you in better hands

2021
01:27:50,140 --> 01:27:52,848
than in those
of the Vermont Highway Patrol.

2022
01:27:58,440 --> 01:28:00,773
How does it feel to be
the coolest motherfucker on this planet?

2023
01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:03,435
You tell me, buddy.
You tell me.

2024
01:28:04,321 --> 01:28:06,688
Aw.

2025
01:28:07,491 --> 01:28:09,608
Uh, yeah. Excuse me.

2026
01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:11,071
Hold on.

2027
01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:14,491
Actually, I'm here to tell you

2028
01:28:14,664 --> 01:28:16,701
that the U.S.
and Canadian governments

2029
01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:18,909
have decided to postpone the turnover

2030
01:28:19,085 --> 01:28:22,044
until the rest of the
hidden contraband is found.

2031
01:28:22,130 --> 01:28:24,247
So, wait.

2032
01:28:24,424 --> 01:28:26,916
Are we Canadians
or are we Americans?

2033
01:28:27,093 --> 01:28:29,460
You're still Canadians
for now.

2034
01:28:29,638 --> 01:28:32,802
And that's going
to continue indefinitely.

2035
01:28:32,974 --> 01:28:33,964
Sorry.

2036
01:28:38,313 --> 01:28:41,681
Okay, so we are now in control
of this area again, eh?

2037
01:28:41,858 --> 01:28:43,895
No, no.
We both have authority.

2038
01:28:44,069 --> 01:28:45,435
You got the authority
to go take

2039
01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:46,895
a flying fuck
at a rolling doughnut.

2040
01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:48,938
Hey, we just saved your lives,
you remember that?

2041
01:28:49,115 --> 01:28:50,481
We have an expression here.

2042
01:28:50,659 --> 01:28:52,696
It go, "What have you done
for me lately?"

2043
01:28:52,869 --> 01:28:54,076
Yeah, maybe
we'll haul your ass

2044
01:28:54,162 --> 01:28:55,152
back out to the woods naked.

2045
01:28:55,330 --> 01:28:58,243
Or maybe we could burned down
your White House again! Eh?

2046
01:28:58,416 --> 01:28:59,657
What the hell does that mean?

2047
01:28:59,835 --> 01:29:02,452
The War of 1812, eh.
Learn your history.

2048
01:29:06,132 --> 01:29:08,749
Oh! You punched the mustache
right off his face!

2049
01:29:08,927 --> 01:29:11,465
No! Look, he's wearing
a postiche, eh!

2050
01:29:13,723 --> 01:29:16,636
You shut up about his postiche! Come on!

2051
01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:21,103
<i>♪ The calliope crashed to the ground ♪</i>

2052
01:29:21,189 --> 01:29:24,808
<i>♪ Yeah, she was blinded by the light ♪</i>

2053
01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:27,272
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2054
01:29:27,362 --> 01:29:29,399
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2055
01:29:29,489 --> 01:29:32,027
<i>♪ Blinded by the light ♪</i>

2056
01:29:32,784 --> 01:29:34,400
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2057
01:29:34,494 --> 01:29:36,486
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2058
01:29:36,580 --> 01:29:39,288
<i>♪ Blinded by the light ♪</i>

2059
01:29:39,916 --> 01:29:41,202
<i>♪ Revved up like a deu... ♪</i>

2060
01:29:45,797 --> 01:29:46,787
What do you got?

2061
01:29:47,674 --> 01:29:48,664
Cat in a tree.

2062
01:29:48,925 --> 01:29:51,042
Ah, yeah.

2063
01:29:51,845 --> 01:29:52,835
Hey, Fred Savage.

2064
01:29:53,096 --> 01:29:54,553
- How's it going?
- Macintyre Womack.

2065
01:29:54,639 --> 01:29:56,676
- Oh, pleasure to meet you, Officer.
- Carl Foster.

2066
01:29:56,766 --> 01:29:58,632
- Nice to meet you. Fred.
- So, what's with the ride-along?

2067
01:29:58,727 --> 01:29:59,763
You got a cop movie
coming out?

2068
01:29:59,853 --> 01:30:02,186
Uh, no, it's actually a new
show for the Syfy Channel.

2069
01:30:02,272 --> 01:30:05,561
A small-town alien invasion
show called <i>Vermonsters.</i>

2070
01:30:05,692 --> 01:30:07,103
- Oh!
- I'd see that.

2071
01:30:07,193 --> 01:30:08,559
So, do you guys spend a lot of time

2072
01:30:08,653 --> 01:30:10,110
getting, um, cats out of trees?

2073
01:30:10,196 --> 01:30:11,858
Is that... is that kinda the job?

2074
01:30:11,948 --> 01:30:14,065
Nah, nah, we get the call and then
we call the Fire Department.

2075
01:30:14,159 --> 01:30:15,695
- They get the damn thing out.
- Oh.

2076
01:30:15,785 --> 01:30:18,027
Could I actually trouble you
for a quick selfie?

2077
01:30:18,121 --> 01:30:20,659
I'm a big <i>Princess Bride</i> fan.

2078
01:30:20,832 --> 01:30:21,913
Yes. My pleasure.

2079
01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:23,366
It was my "get laid movie"
in high school.

2080
01:30:23,460 --> 01:30:24,871
Oh! You're welcome.

2081
01:30:24,961 --> 01:30:26,623
Buttercup!

2082
01:30:26,713 --> 01:30:27,874
Holy shit!

2083
01:30:28,506 --> 01:30:30,042
Fred fuckin' Savage, huh?

2084
01:30:30,216 --> 01:30:31,957
- Uh, yes. That's me.
- He's right here! Look at him!

2085
01:30:32,052 --> 01:30:33,042
Yeah, we know.

2086
01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:34,635
You still with Winnie?

2087
01:30:34,804 --> 01:30:36,761
Uh, no, no.
Just a show, man.

2088
01:30:36,932 --> 01:30:38,924
- I call sloppy seconds!
- Okay, great.

2089
01:30:39,017 --> 01:30:40,758
I think I'm gonna get the cat.
I'm gonna get the cat.

2090
01:30:40,852 --> 01:30:42,059
Mr. Savage,
we can't let you do that

2091
01:30:42,145 --> 01:30:44,262
because, you know, well,
we're responsible for your safety.

2092
01:30:44,356 --> 01:30:45,938
Don't worry about it.
I'm an expert climber.

2093
01:30:46,024 --> 01:30:47,356
Remember the movie
<i>Super Monkey?</i>

2094
01:30:47,734 --> 01:30:50,226
- Yeah.
- I did all my own stunts in that movie.

2095
01:30:50,320 --> 01:30:51,356
I'm good with the trees.

2096
01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:52,436
Okay.

2097
01:30:53,698 --> 01:30:54,688
Look at him go.

2098
01:30:55,200 --> 01:30:56,236
Wow.

2099
01:30:56,409 --> 01:30:58,696
I can see it!
I got the cat.

2100
01:30:58,870 --> 01:31:00,202
Take it easy, Mr. Savage.

2101
01:31:00,372 --> 01:31:02,079
I thought <i>Super Monkey</i> sucked.

2102
01:31:02,248 --> 01:31:03,910
Yeah. And the monkeys
were so fuckin' fake.

2103
01:31:04,084 --> 01:31:06,121
A.O. Scott said the plot
was bananas.

2104
01:31:06,294 --> 01:31:07,751
You know, I can hear you guys.

2105
01:31:07,921 --> 01:31:09,378
All right, you should try
acting in a movie

2106
01:31:09,464 --> 01:31:11,376
and doing your own stunts.
It's really hard!

2107
01:31:11,466 --> 01:31:13,423
- Sure.
- All right, don't be dicks.

2108
01:31:20,517 --> 01:31:21,724
Woo!

2109
01:31:23,311 --> 01:31:24,472
Did you see that shit?!

2110
01:31:25,647 --> 01:31:27,434
Any of you motherfuckers
want some pussy?

2111
01:31:27,607 --> 01:31:29,223
What's up? Whoo!

2112
01:31:52,757 --> 01:31:54,749
<i>♪ Madman drummers bummers ♪</i>

2113
01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:56,084
<i>♪ Indians in the summer ♪</i>

2114
01:31:56,177 --> 01:31:58,510
<i>♪ With a teenage diplomat ♪</i>

2115
01:31:59,431 --> 01:32:01,423
<i>♪ In the dumps with the mumps ♪</i>

2116
01:32:01,516 --> 01:32:03,178
<i>♪ As the adolescent pumps ♪</i>

2117
01:32:03,268 --> 01:32:05,726
<i>♪ His way into his hat ♪</i>

2118
01:32:06,479 --> 01:32:08,391
<i>♪ With a boulder on my shoulder ♪</i>

2119
01:32:08,481 --> 01:32:10,222
<i>♪ Feelin' kinda older ♪</i>

2120
01:32:10,316 --> 01:32:13,275
<i>♪ I tripped the merry-go-round ♪</i>

2121
01:32:13,361 --> 01:32:15,478
<i>♪ With this very unpleasin' ♪</i>

2122
01:32:15,572 --> 01:32:17,279
<i>♪ Sneezin' and wheezin' ♪</i>

2123
01:32:17,365 --> 01:32:20,358
<i>♪ The calliope crashed to the ground ♪</i>

2124
01:32:30,879 --> 01:32:34,043
<i>♪ The calliope crashed to the ground ♪</i>

2125
01:32:34,132 --> 01:32:37,796
<i>♪ Yeah, she was blinded by the light ♪</i>

2126
01:32:38,428 --> 01:32:40,010
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2127
01:32:40,096 --> 01:32:42,258
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2128
01:32:42,348 --> 01:32:44,715
<i>♪ Blinded by the light ♪</i>

2129
01:32:45,435 --> 01:32:47,176
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2130
01:32:47,270 --> 01:32:49,227
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2131
01:32:49,314 --> 01:32:51,727
<i>♪ Blinded by the light ♪</i>

2132
01:32:52,650 --> 01:32:54,357
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2133
01:32:54,444 --> 01:32:56,401
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2134
01:32:56,488 --> 01:32:59,071
<i>♪ Blinded by the light ♪</i>

2135
01:33:03,244 --> 01:33:05,156
<i>♪ Some silicone sister ♪</i>

2136
01:33:05,246 --> 01:33:07,203
<i>♪ With a manager mister ♪</i>

2137
01:33:07,290 --> 01:33:09,623
<i>♪ Told me I got what it takes ♪</i>

2138
01:33:10,126 --> 01:33:13,870
<i>♪ She said, "I'll turn you on,
sonny, to something strong ♪</i>

2139
01:33:13,963 --> 01:33:16,546
<i>♪ Play the song with the funky breaks" ♪</i>

2140
01:33:17,258 --> 01:33:19,124
<i>♪ And go-cart Mozart ♪</i>

2141
01:33:19,219 --> 01:33:21,211
<i>♪ Was checkin' out the weather chart ♪</i>

2142
01:33:21,304 --> 01:33:23,967
<i>♪ See if it was safe outside ♪</i>

2143
01:33:24,057 --> 01:33:26,140
<i>♪ And little early-pearly ♪</i>

2144
01:33:26,226 --> 01:33:27,967
<i>♪ Came by in his curly-wurly ♪</i>

2145
01:33:28,061 --> 01:33:31,099
<i>♪ And asked me if I needed a ride ♪</i>

2146
01:33:41,825 --> 01:33:44,659
<i>♪ The calliope crashed to the ground ♪</i>

2147
01:33:44,744 --> 01:33:48,078
<i>♪ She was blinded by the light ♪</i>

2148
01:33:48,998 --> 01:33:50,614
<i>♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪</i>

2149
01:33:50,708 --> 01:33:52,665
<i>♪ Another runner in the night ♪</i>

2150
01:33:52,752 --> 01:33:55,244
<i>♪ Blinded by the light... ♪</i>

2151
01:34:02,053 --> 01:34:04,010
You wanna reach for your ticket book.

2152
01:34:04,097 --> 01:34:05,213
I got ya. Okay.

2153
01:34:05,306 --> 01:34:07,593
'Scuse me. Sorry.
Sorry.

2154
01:34:10,228 --> 01:34:12,094
Don't worry about it.
Hold that for me.

2155
01:34:12,188 --> 01:34:13,224
- Here we go. Ready?
- Yeah.

2156
01:34:15,859 --> 01:34:17,270
Ready? Okay. Okay.

2157
01:34:24,450 --> 01:34:27,033
Ooh!

2158
01:34:27,120 --> 01:34:28,986
I can't believe it's a crime
down in the U.S.

2159
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:31,117
to drink beer
and enjoy tits and dick.

2160
01:34:31,291 --> 01:34:34,329
I mean, beep beep!
There's no harm there.

2161
01:34:34,502 --> 01:34:36,744
I mean, aooga!
There's no harm there.

2162
01:34:36,838 --> 01:34:39,125
It's a good workout, eh.

2163
01:34:41,217 --> 01:34:42,549
Cut. I could do that
all night.

2164
01:34:42,719 --> 01:34:44,301
I know...

2165
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:46,261
And action!

2166
01:34:46,890 --> 01:34:48,381
Oh!

2167
01:34:48,474 --> 01:34:50,010
That's how easy it is.

2168
01:34:50,894 --> 01:34:52,726
Oh! Jesus Christ.
Motherfucker.

2169
01:34:53,354 --> 01:34:55,391
What do we got, till lunch?
We got till lunch?

2170
01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:56,555
Action.

2171
01:34:56,649 --> 01:34:57,730
Oh!

2172
01:34:57,817 --> 01:35:01,106
Which one of you guys
has a le... a le seniority?

2173
01:35:07,202 --> 01:35:08,943
You got to blow
those cheeks up.

2174
01:35:09,120 --> 01:35:10,110
Okay.

2175
01:35:11,331 --> 01:35:13,994
I think I have some of your
mustache in my mouth.

2176
01:35:14,542 --> 01:35:15,532
Where's your asshole?

2177
01:35:15,710 --> 01:35:17,622
It's right about...
right there.

2178
01:35:18,296 --> 01:35:19,457
Just follow the heat.

2179
01:35:20,215 --> 01:35:22,798
First you steal ourjob
and now you sit here

2180
01:35:22,884 --> 01:35:24,625
getting a sensual massage
from a chair

2181
01:35:24,802 --> 01:35:27,545
in the center of the mall
with our women.

2182
01:35:28,598 --> 01:35:30,635
Can you shorten that?

2183
01:35:31,267 --> 01:35:33,008
No, that's the only way
I can say it.

2184
01:35:33,394 --> 01:35:35,386
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jeez Louise.

2185
01:35:35,772 --> 01:35:37,889
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Lava Scotia.

2186
01:35:38,066 --> 01:35:39,102
Uh, Flova Scotia.

2187
01:35:39,275 --> 01:35:41,642
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Flava Scotia.

2188
01:35:41,819 --> 01:35:43,526
- Uh, Flo, uh, Flova.
- Flova. God damn it.

2189
01:35:43,696 --> 01:35:44,686
All my Flava Scotia.

2190
01:35:44,864 --> 01:35:46,981
- All my Flava Scotia.
- Flova.

2191
01:35:47,158 --> 01:35:48,820
I'm gonna get it. Nova. Flova.

2192
01:35:48,993 --> 01:35:51,485
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Flava Scotia.

2193
01:35:51,955 --> 01:35:53,821
- Close?
- No. Not really.

2194
01:35:56,417 --> 01:35:58,329
What about this?!
What about this, huh?!

2195
01:35:58,419 --> 01:35:59,830
Didn't we do that to like

2196
01:35:59,921 --> 01:36:01,503
a skinny blond guy
with a big forehead?

2197
01:36:01,673 --> 01:36:02,709
Smelled like bacon?

2198
01:36:02,799 --> 01:36:04,165
Always yakking about
Hot Pockets?

2199
01:36:04,342 --> 01:36:05,423
That was me.

2200
01:36:05,593 --> 01:36:07,676
You asked if I saw you

2201
01:36:07,762 --> 01:36:09,970
jumping around
all mimbly dimbly...

2202
01:36:10,265 --> 01:36:11,676
You asked if I saw you

2203
01:36:11,766 --> 01:36:14,349
jumping around
all nimby, ni...

2204
01:36:14,560 --> 01:36:16,426
All nibbily-bimbly.

2205
01:36:16,646 --> 01:36:18,308
Sorry, what...
it's nimbly-bimbly.

2206
01:36:18,481 --> 01:36:20,438
Come on, Gaffigan!

2207
01:36:21,401 --> 01:36:23,893
Idiot.

2208
01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:31,408
Eh, that's a little much.

2209
01:36:31,744 --> 01:36:33,906
- This one says "Tiger Penis."
- Suck it!

2210
01:36:34,080 --> 01:36:36,367
- Shut up, Farva.
- Sorry. It's just funny.

2211
01:36:36,666 --> 01:36:39,784
Eh... eh... what the... eh... uh...

2212
01:36:39,877 --> 01:36:41,163
What the shit, Guy?

2213
01:36:41,254 --> 01:36:42,586
Why you tell us
they are the smuggler...

2214
01:36:42,672 --> 01:36:44,538
Sorry, I'm sorry.

2215
01:36:45,675 --> 01:36:47,667
Uh... eh...

2216
01:36:48,636 --> 01:36:50,969
All right. All right.
hey, hey, here we go. Here we go.

2217
01:36:51,055 --> 01:36:52,546
- Just gotta find it.
- Yeah, I got it.

2218
01:36:53,016 --> 01:36:54,257
Uh...

2219
01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,887
Uh... eh...

2220
01:37:00,898 --> 01:37:03,140
Sorry. I'm totally...
okay, okay.

2221
01:37:03,484 --> 01:37:04,520
Hey, cut it.

2222
01:37:09,032 --> 01:37:12,241
<i>♪ She got down but she never got tight ♪</i>

2223
01:37:12,327 --> 01:37:15,070
<i>♪ She's gonna make it ♪</i>

2224
01:37:16,080 --> 01:37:19,664
<i>♪ Through the night ♪♪</i>

2225
01:37:35,099 --> 01:37:36,385
<i>♪ What a drag ♪</i>

2226
01:37:38,186 --> 01:37:40,052
<i>♪ Sitting here at home ♪</i>

2227
01:37:40,855 --> 01:37:42,596
<i>♪ Saturday night ♪</i>

2228
01:37:43,983 --> 01:37:45,724
<i>♪ And I'm alone ♪</i>

2229
01:37:46,903 --> 01:37:49,190
<i>♪ Staring at my phone ♪</i>

2230
01:37:49,280 --> 01:37:50,987
<i>♪ Trying to make it ring ♪</i>

2231
01:37:51,407 --> 01:37:52,943
<i>♪ Wish I had a friend ♪</i>

2232
01:37:54,452 --> 01:37:56,489
<i>♪ I could tell my troubles to ♪</i>

2233
01:37:59,540 --> 01:38:01,156
<i>♪ My truck ♪</i>

2234
01:38:02,460 --> 01:38:04,326
<i>♪ Is running pretty rough ♪</i>

2235
01:38:05,380 --> 01:38:06,962
<i>♪ It don't matter much ♪</i>

2236
01:38:08,299 --> 01:38:10,382
<i>♪ I'm outta gas ♪</i>

2237
01:38:11,427 --> 01:38:15,546
<i>♪ If I had a tank, I'd take a ride ♪</i>

2238
01:38:15,640 --> 01:38:17,347
<i>♪ But I don't know where to ♪</i>

2239
01:38:19,018 --> 01:38:20,805
<i>♪ My Saturday night ♪</i>

2240
01:38:33,032 --> 01:38:34,523
<i>♪ Saturday night ♪</i>

2241
01:38:46,546 --> 01:38:47,957
<i>♪ Saturday night ♪</i>

2242
01:39:28,004 --> 01:39:29,245
Mm-mm.

2243
01:39:30,305 --> 01:39:36,562
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